


If I said being a parent would be easy...I lied (and I’m not sorry)

by sketzocase



Category: X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Babies, F/M, Kid Fic, M/M, Pregnancy, X fam, daken not a proper age, family comedy, kid stuff, laura not a proper age, nate not a proper age, rachel not a proper age, sniktfam, talia not a proper age
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-15 08:42:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15409221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sketzocase/pseuds/sketzocase
Summary: Raising kids ain’t easy. When you tack on the fact that your job has you saving the world on a daily basis- it gets that much harder. As the x-men discover just what parenting and family means- Logan and Itsu discover that parenting is worth every drop of blood, sweat, and tears!





	1. Baby, baby.... baby??

**Author's Note:**

> SO.  
> This involves x-babies!  
> The first one worked out so well so I decided to try a new cast and a new story.  
> Some things to get out the way, daken, laura, talia, Rachel, Nate, and some OC babies are... babies. Well- kids. Not their proper ages at any rate.  
> Itsu is alive- it is a modern setting.  
> Storm is married to T’challa.  
> Jean Grey and Scott Summers are still alive.  
> Wanda and Kurt are married and have a kid (Tj- or Talia. She’s really cool (nocturne) look her up- seriously- she’s great) becuase this is my universe and I fucking love the universe where they’re married and have an awesome kid.  
> Professor Xavier is still alive.  
> (Yea- basically take cannon and throw it out the window. :D)  
> No one dies. No one gets tortured. (Well ya know- more than kids usually torture their parents) it’s literally the lightest, fluffiest, most light hearted thing I’ve ever written. And to be honest- I kinda love it. 
> 
> So yea. Not proper ages. Alternate dimensions in one place.  
> Happy family shit dammnit.  
> Hopefully you’ll go with me on this one. I’m literally working towards some stuff that I personally find really cute and funny. 
> 
> As always, let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!

There are a million things you worry about as a parent. Especially a parent to a young child. Especially a young mutant child.

Sure there are normal things like.. “what if they get hurt”, “What if they get sick” etc etc.

Then there’s abnormal shit like “what if they get abducted by a government program”.

As a mutant- it happens more than you’d think it does. On that topic- you can trust me. I’ve had more than enough personal experience.

Thing is- I don’t want to see that happen as a parent. No parent of a mutant does. Especially if that parent spends their life working for ‘the cause’ and ‘saving the world’. Codewords for putting on spandex, fighting the military/police/government, and other people in spandex.

It’s a pretty cool gig.

Let’s you meet all kinds of people.

Then... well... shit settles down. Shit settles and you start worrying about munchkins.

Which on its own is scary as hell.

Parenting? It’s terrifying.  
See everything’s good when you’re getting married. She loves you-you love her. It’s good. It’s great.

...Until around year two of marriage. That’s when the ‘b’ word comes up.

Maybe she talked to her friends. Maybe she saw a diaper commercial. Who the fuck knows?

Any way you slice it- the idea is now in her head.

And when the ‘baby’ idea gets in a woman’s head? Fuck is she determined.  
So, she waits. And waits. And waits.

And then she pounces.

“Darling... Kurt and Wanda are having a baby.” She says, looking all sexy- in her underwear at that. That’s entrapment right there.

But that’s old news. Kurt’s my best friend. I’ve known he and Wanda were trying for about a year now. We were all overjoyed when he announced that they conceived.

“Wouldn’t it be lovely if little Tj had a friend to play with?”

Yup. That’s how it went.

The “Tj needed a friend’ excuse held up well with Mrs. Wagner. Who in turn told her husband to convince me.

He talked to me- which was really us sitting around with a beer in mostly silence.

Fun night.

She waited until after I ‘talked’ with him. Asked if I changed my mind.

Nope. Told her I shouldn’t be reproducing.

She did some stuff that night that kinda... swayed me.  
And then... then came the alcohol.

I was drinking- she was drinking- I got sentimental.

Drunk Logan thought a baby was a great idea!

Drunk Itsu did not help him come to reason.

So, the pair of drunks went at it.

Cue the next morning. She’s hungover. I’m fine. We talk it out in greater detail.

Then- Kurt and Wanda start doing baby things.

Itsu is so excited. She helps with the nursery, she helps to buy the clothes, she plans the baby shower.

She wants a baby, so, so, so badly.

Thing is- I saw how happy my friends were. I saw how much want she had for a little boy or girl for us to raise.  
I still had my reservations... but ya know the saying ‘happy wife happy life’?

Itsu really, really, really wanted a baby.

For months she told me she wanted a baby.

It’s not like we didn’t have the cash. Being a superhero is slightly lucrative.

Plus, as a teacher- even if she just works at the institute- she makes a good little bit of coin herself.

Wanda gets very, very, pregnant. Like huge. Seven months pregnant to be exact.

Itsu was so, so, so excited for them.

In that time frame- Scott and Jeanie announced that THEY were having a baby.

That?

That was my wife’s final straw.  
Itsu’s eyes were daring me to say ‘no’.  
So I didn’t.

I caved.

“Alright dear, let’s make a baby.” Were my exact words.

I figured Kurt and Wanda had been trying for about a year... and god knows his line produces a hell of a lot of babies- it would take a while for Itsu to actually get pregnant. A year or two? Time for us to really adjust to the idea.

I’d come to her way of thinking. A little baby would be fun... especially if it was with her. I couldn’t think of a woman I wanted to have a kid with more than Itsu.  
A little boy or girl to teach. To love. A piece of me and her. It’s not a bad idea.

It’s not like anyone could say we were rushing things- either.  
So, we started trying.

Itsu did everything she was supposed to do to ensure fertility.

It was a lot of work on her part.  
In the meantime- I got to enjoy making a baby. It was great. Sex four or five times a day. She’s turned on more, she’s receptive, she’s having fun- it was great.

Two months in- lo and behold she’s pregnant.

I freaked out a little.  
To be honest- so did she.

We wanted a baby- yea. But we didn’t expect it to happen so fast. We sat at the doctor’s office in shock.

Then we snapped out of it.  
We celebrated with all of our friends and family members.

Then- it started.

The pregnancy crazy- is what Scott called it. Slim said all women got that way. And that I was lucky my pregnant wife couldn’t read my mind and get pissed about shit I hadn’t even said.

Think he was talking about his own experience there.  
The pregnancy crazy is a unique thing.

You want to prevent it- but she’s so fucking cute when she’s pregnant, barefooted, and yelling over something stupid.  
It usually went like this.

3 AM - “Logan I want French fries”

French fries? At 3 AM? I was well stocked. But NOOOOO- they had to be from McDonald’s. That’s the craving part.

She won’t sleep until she gets her fries.

McDonald’s is pretty much open 24/7. It wouldn’t have been a big deal- except it was three in the fucking morning and I’d just got back from a mission in Romania.

But she and our boy- we’d recently found out what the baby was- wanted French fries.  
So I get my ass in the car, get her fries, come home.

“This is good but it would be better with a frosty.” She said.

Guess what’s closed at 3 AM? Wendy’s. Guess where the only place in the WORLD is that sells frosty’s? Wendy’s.

I improvised. Woke Ice Cube up- had him make her something. He was like seventeen at the time. Couldn’t get a girlfriend to save his life. Couldn’t understand the unique brand of crazy they hold.

Three years later- we kinda figured out why that was. Really shoulda seen that one coming.  
The ice cream wasn’t as good as a frosty- but it went over okay. Way better than expected.

The pregnancy progresses.

Baby boy is taking up so much space. They’re saying this is easily a ten-pound baby.

Which started to make Itsu a little nervous- if we’re being honest.

Wanda and Jean assured her that the labor was painful- but she would get killer drugs.

We’re near the end and the crazy was upped about five notches. I’m talking maximum hormone endured crazy.  
I make one little comment about how big she’s gotten- bam. Hit in the face with a flip-flop. Repeatedly.

I got in trouble for saying I made a baby. Told that I did not ‘make a baby’ I made half of a baby. She was doing all the work.

Guess I couldn’t argue with that.

She always apologized after. My sweet wife wasn’t capable of holding a real grudge.

The delivery day gets here- baby’s fine. Mommy’s fine.

We look at our tiny bundle of joy with a sense of awe..and fear.

Little Akihiro came into the world screaming.

Four years now and he hasn’t stopped.

We’re raising him as best as we can- given the circumstances. Kid’s got a personality a mile wide.

He hangs out with Tj- his buddy in crime. A lot like her daddy is for me.

Kurt joked around and said something about marriage. Wanda hit him upside the head and told him not to put that on kids.

IF our lines ever do mix- it’ll be those two.

We had to learn A LOT about things we couldn’t begin to understand.

I now know that you can’t leave a wet diaper on a kid, potty training a boy is really hard, and as a parent, you will never eat anything that isn’t from a happy meal or chicken in the shape of something else. (Aki seems to prefer dinosaurs. Don’t know what the difference is- but fuck will he let you know it’s not the same)  
In our four years of parenting, I got another kid. A clone. Itsu loved her instantly. There was no way she was going anywhere but with us.

They were going to destroy her.

We... couldn’t let them.

She was a little one-year-old. The shit they’d already done was horrific.

I wasn’t going to tell Itsu until I made up my mind- but Fury (who I think was kinda rooting for the kid) ‘accidentally’ sent my wife a picture.  
She was instantly in love.

She said that we had the money, we had the room, and we had enough space in our lives for a poor little girl.  
So I went to visit where they had the kid- and she was so vibrant. Even after all they put her through. Even at such a young age.

She came home with us that day.

Itsu didn’t even wait for the ink on the adoption papers to dry before picking her up and toting her off to her new life.  
She’s five now. Laura- our little Laura. Love her to death. She’s a little trooper.

She doesn’t remember much of what happened to her. Thank god.

She just knows that her daddy took her away from somewhere bad and gave her a mommy and a brother.

I didn’t explain it that way- those are Itsu’s words.

Laura and Akihiro are one year apart.  
And because she’s a clone- there’s no way of denying she’s part of my family. She looks a lot like me. Which makes Itsu love her even more. Even if she had another mother.

Itsu was just made for shit like that.  
At the same time during those precious few years- Jeanie got pregnant again, Rogue got pregnant (god we don’t know how that happened), and Wanda got pregnant but lost the baby.

Babies are literally everywhere.

The x-men are family orientated more than ever.

Fuck even Bobby was talking about adopting with his “Boyfriend”- code word for ‘fiancée’ that ‘no one’ knows about.

Most of us ‘x-parents’ were going through the same shit.

And by shit, I mean ‘x-women getting pregnant’. These women are naturally strong and trained in like fifty million types of hand to hand combat. Try telling a pregnant Rogue that she can’t have the last of the ice cream. Or a pregnant Jean that she can’t take up the bathroom for five hours. You know what you get? Punched. You get punched.  
Ororo moved away to Wakanda. T’challa was ‘smitten’ as soon as he laid eyes on her.

Think they’re having a kid- now that I think about it.

And I think.. it was a girl. Yea. It’s a girl. We’ve got a trip planned to go see her when the baby gets here.  
So how do you balance raising a kid and saving the world?

It helps that Itsu is amazing. Truly amazing. She takes care of the home front when I can’t. It’s a lot to put on her... but she handles it well.

She doesn’t get to leave the house much.

And until the kids are in school- she really won’t get to have much of a job. That’s her decision- not mine. I let her do what she thought would be right for her.  
Her not getting out of the house is a shame though. I love it when we go out

In fact, it’s what lead me to take her to a Gala with me tonight. A night out for her away from the munchkins.

I hate going to these things but Chuck insists that at least one team be there. I drew the short straw.

Some fancy event with everyone dressed up in some stuffy opera house like thing watching a boring play and seeing some shitty art.

Bores the hell out of me.

Not as much as the talking afterward, though.

Putting a face on the leading mutant team. Giving the people something they can positively relate to. (Chuck’s words)

Remy and Rogue are here somewhere. I don’t know where.

Knowing them? A night out without their little one? They have a two-year-old. You can bet they’ve snuck away to some random corner of the place to have at it.  
I offered the same to Itsu. She just raised her eyebrow and smiled.

I don’t think it was a ‘no’ necessarily. But... we’ll have to see.  
We were talking to this random guy- more her doing the talking than I was. I didn’t know who he was. He commented on how lovely my wife was. I thanked him, she smiled, we did what we were supposed to do. By all intents and purposes, I was on my best behavior.

Even when I saw Remy sneaking off to the parking lot with his very intoxicated wife. I wanted to join but noooo. I stayed. God knows someone had to.

Random guy struck up a conversation with her- asked if she had any kids.

I guess that’s a normal thing to ask a woman in her early thirties. I don’t know. It’s not like you can tell she’s had kids. She’s as fit as ever.

Itsu is so proud of our kids. She told him, quite happily, that we had two. Two amazing little miracles.

The man was all smiles. Said he’d recently become a grandfather and that there was no gift greater than children.

He obviously didn’t see when my ‘gift’ threw my phone in the toilet this morning and ran off giggling.

Whatever.

Chuck wheels over and greets the man.

Turns out he’s some kind of Prime Minister. Go figure.

He’s looking at investing funding in the school- big deal.

He asks if he can meet with Itsu and me over dinner to discuss it.

We were happy- we sealed the deal. It was as good as done.

We of course agreed.

However, as we’re parting, he says “And bring the little ones.”

We had a shared moment of sheer panic.

Our kids?

Not well behaved.

Not even decently behaved.

Nowhere near Prime Minister level.

But he’d already walked away.

I turned to Itsu and said we could tell him they were both sick.

She agreed.

Chuck- on the other hand- said we had to bring the kids. The only reason the man was really interested was that we were a family. He liked that. We needed the ‘miracles’.

Fuck.

The dinner is set for two days from now.

And we are royally fucked.

“We’ll bribe them,” Itsu says, gripping my arm as we walk down the many, many concrete steps in front of the building. (Which is some ugly color of red that I can’t begin to identify.)

She’s dressed beautifully in a black silk gown that has a slit up the side that nearly reaches her hip. Strapless, low cut- all of my favorite things. Her hairs pinned up high on her head- which is amazing considering how long it is. At night I like to run my fingers through it. She usually lets Laura brush it before bed- god only knows why- but it’s one of the girl’s favorite things to do.

“Yea?” I pat her hand on my arm. “With what?”

I made it a point to not dress as fancy as she did.

One- because I hate these things, and two- because Slim told me to so I have to do the opposite of what he told me.

They’re just lucky I’m not wearing jeans.  
“Anything.” She says. “Anything their hearts desire.” Her voice is calm and soothing. She’s got a plan. I know that sound anywhere.

“Pretty sure that’s world domination- babe,” I smirk. “Or candy. Who knows with those two?”

Itsu sighs and closes her eyes.

“I can’t imagine Aki as a dictator.” She says, carefully reaching the last step. She didn't wear her heels tonight because it makes her a lot taller than me. I didn't mind but... she did. Whatever. They're her feet. “He’s got too short of an attention span and too much love for his mommy.”

I have to chuckle. “Laura could do it,” I say.

Itsu nods. “Laura could do it.”

Our girl could definitely be running shit some day.

Not that Aki couldn’t... but she likes she said- the boy’s got a very, very, VERY short attention span. I think he’d find it kinda boring.  
We walk back to our car, stewing on what we’re going to do.

The car is not what we started off with.

It's more 'sensible'.

Meaning 'boring and slow'.

A journey? Who wants to drive a journey?

“We’ll make a list of acceptable things.” She says finally, buckling her seatbelt in our Dodge. She immediately kicks off her flats and pulls her feet under her in the seat. She can only be fancy for so long. I love that about her. “And they’ll follow the list.”

Yea.. that'll happen.

“Aki can’t follow simple directions.” I laugh, pulling out of the crowded parking lot. “How’s he going to follow a list?”

“We’ll bribe him.” She repeats. "There's got to be something he'll behave for."

I laugh again. "Let's see... toys? No. Candy? Not really. We have some luck with pancakes- but he won't eat them that late in the day...."

"We'll find something." She assures. "We have to start with him. Laura will follow suit."

“Hmm.... he’ll be easier than Laura,” I say in thought.

“Laura can be bribed with enough money,” Itsu says.

It’s true. Our girl has a thing for cash. She never uses it on anything- just hoards it. Like a tiny ferocious little dragon.

“So... bribing the kids,” I say. “That’s our plan?”

“That’s our plan.” She nods.

“No way that can backfire.” I laugh, taking her hand and holding it while I pull out into the road.

“Have some faith.” She smiles radiantly. “The kids might surprise you.”

I hope so. I doubt it- but I hope so.

“You ever thought of making another?” I ask. “Getting a redo?”

She shakes her head. “15 hours of labor with Aki. And I’ve still got stretch marks.”

“Barely.” I snort.

She glares at me.

“Bribe the children.” She says, still glaring. “We get through an hour-long dinner, say we have to put them to bed, secure funding for the school and call it a night.”

I nod. “Sounds good, babe.”

She returns my nod. “God,” she says. “I won’t be sleeping tonight. I'm so nervous.”

“That makes two of us.” I joke.

She smirks. “Whatever will we do with all this alone adult time?”

I kiss her hand. “I can think of a few things.”

She can bet after all this kid talk we’ll be using a rubber. One Aki is more than enough. Add in one Laura to the mix and well.... it gets a little messy.

Wouldn’t trade it for the world, though.

My life was pretty shitty before they came along. I wouldn’t go back if you paid me.

That doesn’t mean the dinner’s not going to suck- it is.

But... we’ll figure something out.

We always do.


	2. The game plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay- if you have EVER tried to get a young child dressed, combed, and presentable in a reasonable amount of time- you’ll totally get this chapter. My nephew once gave me a bloody nose while I wrestled him into his church clothes- so trust me. It’s a hassle. 
> 
> Also peanut butter does totally work in getting gum out of hair. They did it to me when I was kid like... all the time. My day care lady swore by it. 
> 
> Thank ya’ll for reading. 
> 
> Sorry the chapters are coming out so fast on this one. I made a point to not write those 30 page chapters I write for other stories. I find that it’s easier to finish a story this way, haha. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“Five o’clock,” Itsu says, huddled together with me in our bedroom- face to face.

It's the night of the dinner. Game time.

The room’s trashed. Toys from a battle long since forgotten litter the floor, the walls have smeared chocolate (god please let that be chocolate) on them- making the white brown and smudgy, the carpet is wet from god knows what, the windows have painted handprints on them, and the real kicker- painted footsteps leading into the small bathroom. Where if you go right now- the toilet water is green because “Mr frog likes to swim in green water”. (Mr. Frog is apparently the amphibious being that lives exclusively in mommy and daddy’s toilet. Offerings must be made to Mr. Frog or ‘bad things’ happen. Offerings to Mr. Frog include jewelry, iPhones, MP3 players, watches, DVDs, and small toys that get stuck in the drain and fuck up the plumbing.)

“We leave at seven,” I say, refocusing from the mess. “Two hours- on the clock.”

“I’ll take Laura- you take Aki.” She says with the intensity of a college football coach. “Wrestle only if needed.”

I nod

“In between getting them dressed- we get dressed.” She says. “The dinner is very elegant. Dress accordingly.”

Right now we're both in our 'tired from parenting' attire. Leggins on her and her sports bra (she is in the gym) and my crappiest pair of shorts and a hockey jersey from about ten years ago.

I say this to say- neither one of us are 'elegant' right now.

“Got it.” I agree with a nod. "No wrestling, fancy clothes, we get dressed in between."

She nods. “Nice pants, green button-up shirt, socks- black, and shoes. Got it?”

“Stockings, hair brushed, no getting into mommy’s makeup.” I rebuttal.

We're so close I can smell what's left of her deodorant after she worked out for two hours.

“I’ll do my makeup and hair while she’s putting on the stockings,” Itsu says. “That’ll buy me a good ten minutes- at least.”

“I’ll get dressed during Aki’s meltdown over fancy shoes,” I say.

“The plan is in place.” She says, locking eyes with me.

“Let’s do this,” I say grimly.

We straighten up from our huddle and head to our respective targets.

The house is pretty quiet at this time of night.

Most of the 'x-babies' are playing the yard.

A good place for them to be while we hunt down our respective 'targets'.

Mine is sitting in the living room downstairs, staring out the window.

The couch he's on has seen better days- a ratty blue thing that has more stains than blue at this point- but that's mainly his doing anyway so... yea. The TV is turned off because Wanda was punishing Talia for watching something she shouldn't have and apparently the rest of us have to suffer because of it.

Aki is sitting in his underwear, shirtless, with his socks and shoes on.

Not an outfit I woulda picked... but hey. At least I don't have to undress him.

His hair's laying flat- meaning he hasn't had anyone spike it for him.

The kid wanted a mohawk when he was three. I obliged cause I thought it was cute and I was the one Itsu made take him to the barbershop.

Itsu... did not think it was cute- but he loved it so much that we kept it. It's really manageable when you get down to it. He just likes it to stick up some days.

“Hey, buddy,” I say. “You remember that fancy dinner we’re going to?”

“The one where I have to wear fancy shoes?” He asks, turning to look at me.

Yup. He zoned in on fancy shoes right away. That's only part of that 'big talk' I and his momma had with Laura and him, that he took in.

“Yea.... that one,” I say hesitantly.

There’s that look in his eyes. The one I know I’ve given a hundred times. Itsu refers to this as 'the Logan look'. I never thought I'd hate to see one of my own expressions as much as I do on my four-year-old.

He nods and goes back to staring out the window- not moving.

Two hours. We got two hours. Time to get him motivated.

“So.... are you gonna get dressed?” I ask.

“Nope.” He says simply, kicking his tennis-shoed clad feet.

Why is the boy in just his shoes??

Should I ask? Do I want to know? Am I a bad father if I don't ask?

This seems like something either his momma or I should be doing something about.

“Akihiro... it’s not a question son.” I say.

“But it was a question.” He says innocently.

“It’s a rhetorical question.” I sigh.

“What’s that?” He asks.

“A question that’s not really a question,” I say. “Get dressed.”

He seems to be considering it. I wait a whole thirty seconds.

"Aki- get dressed," I order.

“Can I go as Bing?” he asks.

“No,” I say flatly. “No Bing.”

This is the hill I will die on. He is not going to meet some dignitary in his Bing suit. Absolutely not.

He crosses his little arms across his chest. “Bing wants to go.” He says stubbornly.

“Aki- they asked to see a little boy. Bing is not a little boy.” I try to go a different route than getting angry. Itsu takes a softer approach and it usually works better than flat out fussing at him.

“Bing is a little boy!” He says defiantly. “He’s a little dragon boy!”

“Aki... You are not going as Bing.” I say. “You’re going as Aki.”

“Bing or no dinner.” He says quietly, turning away from me.

“What was that?” I surely didn’t hear him right.

“BING OR NO DINNER!” He yells.

Fuck.

I walk over and crouch down in front of him. He makes an effort to push me away with his foot.

I grab his little foot and hold it in my hand.

“Akihiro,” I say calmly, “This is a very important dinner-“

“Bing is very important!” He cuts me off. “He’s a businessman! In China!”

“Bing is not coming to this dinner,” I say firmly. “Akihiro is coming to this dinner. Bing is not allowed.”

“You’re racist.” He says poutily.

It’s honestly one of those moments where I have to keep from laughing. Racist? Is he calling me racist?

“Where did you hear that?”

“Auntie Ro.” He said. “She called a fat bald man racist cuz he called her a bad name. You're racist cause you said Bing wasn't important.”

"Bing isn't a little boy, Aki," I say. "We need a little boy."

"Take Nate." he pouts.

"We need Aki." I try.

"Then don't be racist." He says, glaring at me.

"I'm not racist!" I groan in exasperation.

"Racist!" He says.

"Aki..."

"Bing is important!" he says.

“Aki...” I shake my head to clear it. “Bing is not allowed. That's not something we wear out of the house."

“Bing is allowed.” He says, kicking his feet.

“No-“  
“Mommy said I could be Bing.” He says.

“Oh no she didn’t.” I have to admit I’m smirking.

“Uh huh.” He says. “She said I could be Bing.”

“Akihiro,” I try again, “This is very important.” I wait for a second to see if he’s going to interrupt. “This man is going to help the school. A lot. You want to help the other kids- right?”

He looks down at his shoes. “Yea.” He says finally.

“Then you’ll put on your good clothes, your fancy shoes, and let daddy brush your hair- okay?”

“Okay.” He says with a pouty face. "But only to help the other kids."

“Thank you, son.” I give him a smile and straighten up. “Now- mommy laid out your clothes in-“

“I’m going as Bing!” He yells, bolting up from the couch and racing up the stairs.

“Akihiro!!!” I yell after him. I end up pinching the bridge of my nose and checking my phone. “5:15,” I say aloud. “I got this.”

As I’m turning around- I run straight into another little munchkin.

Kurt's girl. Sweet girl... but she has a habit of being where she's not supposed to be when she's not supposed to be there.

“Hi.” The blue girl says, waving with one of her oddly shaped hands.

“Hey, Talia,” I say.

“Whatcha doin’?” She asks, twisting her tail in her hands.

“I’m trying to get Aki dressed for a big dinner party,” I say.

“Oh.” She nods, still standing there.

“Is there something you need, sweetheart?” I ask gently.

“Not really.” She stands there staring with large yellow eyes.

“Then... I guess I’ll go find-“

“Daddy is gone.” She says suddenly.

Oh? The elf isn’t here?

“Uh...”

“He’s fighting with grandpa.” She says. “With swords.” She adds the last in a whisper.

Come to think of it- he did say something about his old man.

“Is mommy watching you?” I ask.

“Mommy’s fighting with uncle Pietro.” She says. “She doesn’t like his new girlfriend.” She leans forward. “She’s an alien.” She whispers.

“Okay..... so... who’s watching you, Tj?”

“Auntie Rogue.” She says.

“Then you should go find her,” I say simply, looking back at my phone. 5:23. Damnit.

“I will.” She says with a nod. “But first- flying squirrel?”

I chuckle. “I don’t have time for flying squirrel right now, darlin’,” I say. “I gotta dress Aki.”

Tj sticks her small blue lip out. “Okay.” She sighs.

“Go find auntie Rogue,” I say with a small smile. “She’ll play with you.”

“‘Kay.” She skips off, going to find her aunt and hopefully stay out of the way.

I text my other half a simple “Aki wants to go as Bing. He’s run off.”

I get an immediate “Laura has gum in her hair.”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I walk off in the direction of the girl’s room. It's up the stairs and down the staff wing. Laura's room is right across the hall from Nate, Jean and Scott's little boy.

The two have some kind of weird thing going on. Nate says she's his wife.

I know he's five- and he doesn't know what he's talking about.. but I still don't like it.

“Darling- mommy’s told you not to play with your gum.” Itsu is saying.

“I lost it while I was sleeping.” Little Laura is sitting on our bed kicking her legs. To Itsu’s credit- she is wearing stockings. However, she's thrown her shorts over top of them.

“Don’t sleep with gum in your mouth.” Itsu sighs. She turns and looks at me as I walk in. “Logan, it’s in there really good.” She says. "Hold still, Laura." She says.

“I got this.” I pop a claw.

This? this I can handle.

Much easier than the "Bing" argument at any rate.

“Absolutely not!” Itsu growls. “You’re not cutting my baby’s hair!”

“Itsu...” I say. "I'm just gonna cut the gum out."

"No, you're not," Itsu says defensively. "It took forever to grow out the last time you cut her hair."

"I got the gum out!" I groan.

"You butchered her hair!" She says, throwing her hands in the air.

"Mommy and daddy, don't fight," Laura says, looking at us through her big green eyes. "I can wear a wig!"

  
"A... wig?" I ask.

She nods.

"What wig?" Itsu asks.

"Alison's wig!"

I groan, close my eyes, and count to ten. "Laura, did you purposefully put gum in your hair so you could wear a wig?"

the girl looks away from me.

"Laura?" I ask.

"No." She says.

"Are you lying?" I ask.

"No.," she says, not looking at me.

"Will you look at me and tell me you didn't put gum in your hair on purpose?"

Laura finally looks at me. "I wanted to wear a wig." She says.

Itsu sighs.

"Honey, it claws it out- or go with that mess," I say.

The door behind us opens quietly.

“Claws up!” A new voice says. “Auntie Rogue has got this.”

Laura's room is very small. It can't really take many more people. I squeeze past Rogue- dressed in her latest costume, a green bodysuit with shoulder length gloves that admittedly all the guys like a little too much- and let her into the room.

Rogue walks in, followed by her own munchkin, holding a jar of peanut butter.

I don't know what she plans to do with it... but...

Annabelle follows at her heels- like she always does when her momma's home.

Little squirt, white streak in her hair, daddy’s black and red eyes.

“Hello, Annabelle!” Itsu says cheerfully.

The little girl points. “Gum. In her hair."

“That’s right, sugar.” Rogue laughs, bringing the jar of peanut butter over to Laura's small bed. “This will do the trick.”

“Mmm. Peanut butter.” Laura reaches for the jar.

“No honey, it’s for your hair.” Rogue laughs taking a seat behind Laura. She does some fucking magic trick of rubbing peanut butter into Laura's hair and pulling out the gum. It's honestly the most inventive use of peanut butter I've seen in a while. Itsu and I are kinda quiet- just watching, taking notes.

The trick works- but now Laura’s hair needs to be washed. “See?” Rogue says into the quiet room. “Good as new!”

“Thank you so much.” Itsu sighs. “I thought the night was over already.”

“Nah. Give her hair a good rinse and you’re good to go.” Rogue stands up from the bed and scoops Annabelle up in her arms. “You little miss miss, need to go to your daddy.”

“Daddy!” Annabelle cheers.

“That’s right!” She stops at the door. “Howlett’s.” She nods. “We’re all depending on you.”

“Yea- no pressure.” I laugh.

She smiles and walks off.

“5:50,” Itsu says. “And I have to rinse Laura’s hair.”

"I smell delicious," Laura announces, sticking her hand up and going for her sticky hair.

"No, no darling." Itsu grabs her hand and pulls her gently from the bed. "Don't eat something that's been in your hair."

"5:50," she repeats to me.

Right. Timetable.

“I’ll go find Aki.” I say. "now that this crisis is solved."

"Good luck," Itsu says. "No caving. Bing can absolutely not come to dinner. He's a dragon and he's dirty."

"Got it," I assure her. "No dragon boys tonight."

The two girls make it into the bathroom to rinse Laura’s hair. Itsu loudly commenting about how many ‘offerings’ Mr. Frog has gotten today.

A quick sniff reveals that my offspring is in one of the upstairs rooms.

His room is across from Talia's. Which now that they're older and getting into trouble all the time- might be a bad idea.

I walk down the hall to figure out which room exactly he's decided to hide in since his own looks empty.

A quick search reveals it’s Bobby’s room. Bobby's one of his favorite people. He bugs him pretty much all the time. Really it's not surprising.

What is surprising is that Bobby’s standing at the door with a blanket tied around his waist and his door shut.

Aki seems to have tried to barge in on Bobby at a very delicate time.

It's gonna be hard for him to explain that one.

“But why was he naked?” He asks innocently.

“Well...” Bobby rubs the back of his head- messing up his bed hair (no doubt the guy's been up to something) “It’s... he was hot.” He says quickly. “I was cooling him down.” That's thinking on his feet.

“With kisses?” Aki asks.

Bobby looks like a deer caught in the headlights. “Yea. With kisses.” He says. “Exactly. Cooling him down with kisses.”

“Why aren’t you icy?” Aki asks, twisting from side to side. The kid's still in his underwear- but he's lost the shoes.

“I didn’t want to freeze him too badly.” Bobby smiles. “Hey look!” He points to me. “It’s daddy! Go bug daddy and be literally anywhere in the house but Uncle Bobby’s room- okay?”

“Okay!” Aki says running off towards me.

Bobby sighs in relief.

“Welcome to my world,” I say over Aki’s head as he grabs my legs. He's got something fuzzy in his hands. “Think about that next time you and lover boy talk about kids.”

Bobby shakes his head. “Noted.” He says, opening his door and walking back to his probably mortified boyfriend.

“Daddy!” Aki says, “I’ve decided not to go as Bing.”

“That’s great, Aki,” I say, smiling. “Let’s get you changed-“

“This is Bing’s little brother Bang!” He pulls out a fuzzy blue outfit. Complete with ‘claws’ on the footie part of the outfit and a hood with spikes.

“Who keeps giving you these outfits??” I sigh.

“Was that another rhetorical question?” He whispers.

“Yea.” I nod. “Yea it was.”

“Bang demands treats!” Aki says happily. "He'll only have cookies and chocolate syrup."

“Bang gets nothing. Bing gets nothing. AKI will go get dressed- in his nice clothes- and go the restaurant.”

Aki crosses his arms. “Fine.” He says moodily.

I won? No. That's impossible. That was too easy.

I take his hand and lead him to his bedroom.

“Wanna dress myself!” He says, pulling away as soon as we reach the room.

“Fine.” I groan. “But first,” I take the ‘Bang’ costume, the ‘Bing’ costume, his Wolverine costume, his pirate costume, and his lizardman suit- putting them all in the hallway by his door.

“Hey! My skins!” He says as I walk by.

“You’re going as Aki,” I say. “End of discussion.”

Aki stomps past me. “Close the door.” He says angrily.

“Fine. Five minutes. Get dressed.” I close the door and go back to my phone. 6:05. We got this. We can totally do it.

Down the hall, I hear Laura yelling about dresses. Apparently, she doesn’t like Itsu’s choice. Then again- if Laura had her way she’d wear a t-shirt and jeans to pretty much anything. I don’t know why we buy her fancy clothes.

I open Aki’s door to find the kid in his nice pants, shirtless, shoes off, laying on his back on his bed.

“Aki... son... what are you doing?” I ask.

“Thinking about ducks.” He says.

“Thinking... about ducks?” What the hell?

“Uh-hmm.” He says.

“Can you maybe think about ducks at another time?” I ask. “You’re halfway dressed buddy. You’re literally almost there.”

he turns to face me. “Did you know that ducks have corkscrew willies?”

I inhale deeply and then let it go. “I don’t want to hear about a duck’s willy,” I say calmly. “I want you to get dressed.”

“What’s a corkscrew look like daddy?” He asks, sitting up.

“It’s what you use to open wine with,” I say, distractedly. “Really- get dressed.”

“Is their pee all twisty?” He asks.

“Aki- I don’t know,” I say calmly. “Get dressed.”

“Do they have long willies?”

“I don’t know. Get dressed.” I repeat.

“Can people have corkscrew willies?” He asks with wide eyes.

The little guy is obsessed.

“Aki- less focusing on willies, more dressing. Okay?”

“Okay.”

He pulls his shirt over his head. I instantly hang mine.

“That’s backward.”

He’s messed his hair up pulling the shirt over it. Granted- the tiny Mohawk isn’t that hard to style. Still- it’ll need to be brushed.

“No, it isn’t.” He says stubbornly.

“The buttons are on the back.” I point.

“I don’t see any buttons.” He says.

“That’s because they’re on your back.” I shake my head. “Here.” I manhandle him until his shirt is facing in the correct direction. “Good,” I say. “Good job, Aki. Now we do your shoes.”

“Ugh. Hate fancy shoes.” He says.

“Yea- daddy’s not a fan either,” I mumble, sliding his socks on and quickly pushing the shoes on his feet. “Do not kick these off,” I order.

“I’ll try daddy.” He says sweetly.

“Try hard.”

He nods.

“Okay, Aki- you are dressed,” I say, looking at my phone. “And it only took an hour.”

“Thirty minutes better than last time!” He says happily.

“Let’s brush your hair.” I move through his room-which is just as trashed as mine was, toys everywhere, paint handprints, the only thing untouched is his bed. The little race car bed with the ‘LEGO Movie’ sheets and blankets- and walk over to his dresser. A small little four drawer fake wood bullshit of a dresser. His comb is on top of it in a small glass. I pull it out and turn around- only to find him gone.

“Aki...” I groan, following his scent out into the hallway.

I find him at Piotr’s room a few doors down.

The giant Russian is smiling and watching the kid as he talks- moving his hands around wildly.

Pete doesn't have any kids. Not yet anyway. God help us when Kitty decides to make little ones. I'm pretty sure life as we know it will stop.

“...and I don’t know if they pee twisty- but I think they do.”

Pete looks at me with a raised eyebrow. “That’s very interesting, Aki.” He says. He’s got some rolled up canvas under his arm. Guess he’s on his way to his studio.

Come to think of it- he's dressed in 'painter attire' as he calls it. Something that can get painted.

“Aki- room. Now.” I say.

Aki turns around. “I'm telling Uncle Pete about the ducks.”

“No more talk of ducks.” I groan. “Okay? No more ducks.”

He’s quiet for a second. “Did you know Duck’s have teeth?”

“What? No, they don’t.”

“Actually- they do, in a sense,” Pete says. “They have something resembling teeth, at any rate.”

“I’m pretty sure there are no fucking teeth in a duckbill,” I growl.

“No- really!” Aki says. “Ducks have teeth!”

“No- they don’t.” I shake my head again. “This is pointless,” I say. “Come back to your room so I can brush your hair- okay?”

Aki nods. “We’ll talk about ducks later uncle Pete!” He says waving goodbye.

I nod to Pete and go back to Aki’s room.

6:30. God.

I brush his hair with no interruption.

And most importantly- no more talk of ducks.

At 6:40 I give him a thorough inspection. He’s cute as a button. Definitely worth giving- oh say, 1 million dollars to. If not more.

I meet Itsu and Laura- both dressed great down by the stairs.

Itsu is wearing her red, knee-length dress and those heels I love.

Laura is in a skirt and a shirt that we have to keep on hand for dressing her when she wants to be uncooperative. It's all black and the only thing she'll wear.

Itsu motions to Laura. "Hair washed, gray stockings, fancy shoes, and her skirt and shirt match."

I point to Aki. "Green button up shirt, black fancy shoes, fancy pants, and hair brushed."

She looks at me with a raised eyebrow. “Forgetting something dear?”

“Hmm?” I check Aki again- nothing seems out of place.

Laura laughs, covering her mouth. “You’re not dressed, daddy!”

Oh fuck.

“Ten minutes,” I say, holding up a finger and racing back upstairs.

“I’ll get the children in the car!” She calls, bustling them out the front door.

And that’s what it takes to get your kids out the fucking door. I got so distracted that I forgot to dress. Wonderful.

But... we’re about 20 minutes early for our deadline... so I’d say all in all tonight is a success.

So far, at any rate. Who knows what will happen at dinner?

I’ll keep my head up and deal with any problem the kids can throw at me.

I’m good like that.


	3. Go to hell jackass!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a meeting goes very, very wrong.

“BENGO, BENGO, BENGO, and Bingo was his name-o!” The kids ‘sing’ loudly at the top of their lungs behind me in the car.

Ever heard the same song, sung incorrectly, at top volume, on constant repeat?

Yea. That's life right now.

One of them (Aki) rams his little foot into my back as he's singing.

Thank god for car seats. His foot would have way more impact if he wasn't held so firmly in place.

That topped with the nervous thoughts of how badly tonight could go has put me a little on edge.

“It’s BINGO- guys,” I say for the what has to be the millionth time. "B. I. N. G. O." I make a turn onto a busy street. Thank god we're almost there. We've been in the car for about thirty minutes. Forty-five is the maximum amount of minutes we can go without a meltdown. We're cutting it close on this one. "It's literally the name of the song."

“That’s what we said,” Laura says.

“No, You said BENGO.” I say. "with an E."

“I like it better that way.” She says. "It's more fun to sing!"

“It-“

Itsu pats my arm. “Let it go.” She says gently. “It’s not worth the hassle.”

That’s true.

Half our car conversations end in 'not worth the hassle'.

They're quiet for a second. "Aki's touching me," Laura says.

"Aki, don't touch your sister," I say, hitting a red light.

"I'm not touching her," Aki says. "I'm touching the air around her."

"He is touching me!" Laura whines.

"I'm not!" he argues. "I'm touching air!"

"Don't touch my air!" Laura demands.

"Aki... don't touch your sister's air," Itsu says tiredly.

"I want to!" he says.

"Then I'll touch your air!" Laura growls.

There's a small struggle in the back seat. "Don't touch my air!" he whines.

"I'm taking all of your air," Laura says.

"Don't take my air!" He says.

"Stop taking each other's air!" I snap, turning around and glaring at them. "Aki- leave your sister alone. Laura- leave your brother alone. Everyone stay on their respective sides of the car."

Aki points. "the lights green daddy."

I turn around, sparing a glance at my wife.

"You're tense." She says quietly.

I nod. "A little."

"Calm down." She says gently. "It's going to be okay."

I sigh and pull up into the restaurant parking lot.

It's packed. Great.

“Oh, they have a valet.” Itsu points to the dude in the red monkey suit standing at a podium in front of the large white building with the black shutters.

“Like hell, I’m paying someone to park my damn car,” I growl, passing him.

Itsu sighs. “Logan...”

“What? It’s a scam.” I grumble, finding my own parking spot.

"Whatever you say, dear." She says, picking her large purse off the floor and putting it in her lap.

The purse is the key to tonight. It's got everything we need to keep the kids in line. Snacks, toys, crayons- it will literally be a lifesaver.

Itsu turns around as the car stops. “No potty humor.” She says. "Okay?"

"What's potty humor?" Aki asks.

"Jokes about a potty, I think," Laura says.

"Anything you would say in or about a bathroom is potty humor," I say. "So don't."

"That's right." Itsu says. "no burping."

“No curse words,” I add.

“No being too loud,” Itsu says. "We have to use our inside voices."

“No dumping your food on the floor,” I add again. "We're going to keep the place clean." And standing- but I don't add that part in.

“No pointing out physical appearances in the waiters.” She says. "We're kind with our words."

“No running,”I say.

“No singing," Itsu says. "It will disrupt the other diners."

“And absolutely NO talk of anything that goes on in the personal lives of the x-men... okay?” I add.

Laura and Aki nod.

“Good.” I smile. “Follow those rules and we’ll have a great time.”

Itsu and I get out of the car and start unbuckling kids, one on each side.

I grab my little man’s hand, she grabs our girl’s.

I’ll give us this- we make a damn cute family.

Totally hides the fact that I could probably kill pretty much everyone in this restaurant.

The Prime Minister is waiting out front by the red monkey suit man.

God, what’s his name?

Princeton. That’s right.

“Hello!” He greets. He’s an elderly man, wrinkles, liver spots, balding head with small tufts of white hair. He's dressed waaaay nicer than us. I can see this going well.

“Hello!” Itsu greets for me- I'm not good at greetings and she knows the deal. She does the pleasantries and I try to not be rude. “It’s so nice to see you! I hope you weren’t waiting long.”

“Oh not at all.” The man smiles. “I know how hard it can be to mobilize little ones.” He bends down at the waist, getting on their level. “Hello there, little ones!” He says happily.

Laura hides behind Itsu’s legs but Aki? Oh, Aki’s going right in for it. He stands front and center.

This could go one of two ways.

I’m hoping for the first way and not the second.

“You must be Akihiro,” Princeton says, offering his hand.

Aki looks at it, takes it, looks the man dead in the eyes and asks, “Do you know ducks have corkscrew willies?”

The man looks at us with a grin on his face. “No, I did not.” He says. “But it’s always nice to learn new things!”

Aki nods. “He’s good.” He says turning to us. “I can tell.” he turns to Laura. "Don't talk to my sister. She'll steal your air."

Itsu’s face is frozen.

The first words out of our four-year old’s mouth to a foreign dignitary... and it’s about duck dicks.

That’s right. Duck dicks. To a Prime Minister.

"Steal my air?" The man laughs. "Are you an air stealer..." he pauses. "Laura, was it?"

She looks at his feet. "When provoked." She says.

Itsu's face turns pale.

Great. One kid is talking about duck dicks and one kid is sounding threatening. We've not made into the restaurant yet!

"I will try not to provoke lest you steal my air." The man laughs. "You are willful one- aren't you?"

"You're an old one," Laura says.

"Okay, darling." Itsu pats her shoulders. "That's enough. We're kind with our words, remember?"

"He is old," she says.

"Laura..." Itsu says.

Laura looks down. "Yes, mommy."

“Let’s eat!” The man says cheerfully- glossing over us having to parent our willful children.

“Food sounds wonderful!” Itsu recovers faster than I do. She looks down at Laura. “Are you hungry darling?”

Laura nods.

“And I’m sure this little guy could eat.” Princeton pats Aki on the shoulder.

“Stranger danger!” He yells, pulling his little fist back. Thankfully I catch it before it hits Princeton’s crotch.

“No, no Aki.” I try to sound pleasant. “He was just patting your shoulder. It’s okay. He’s not a stranger.”

Aki nods and I release his fist.

“Oh, my.” Princeton laugh a little nervously. "he's a puncher- I take it."

“He saw a safety video,” Itsu says with a forced laugh. “It’s made him a little... wary. I'm very sorry.”

The man bends down again. “That is never a bad thing.” He says. “You can never be too careful.”

“Or else they’ll chop up my body and feed it to the townspeople,” Aki says with a nod.

Princeton straightens up and stares at me with a clear ‘what the fuck’ expression.

“Horror movie.” Itsu does that laugh again. “We try to keep him away from the TV but there are so many people living in the house that it’s hard to control what he sees.”

The man laughs- a full belly laugh.

“Let’s eat.” He says. “I’m starving.”

“You don’t look like you’re starving,” Laura says.

“Laura,” Itsu says.

The man grins. “No, no. The little one is right.” He pats his stomach. “I’ve not missed a meal in a long time.”

“I missed a meal once because I had diarrhea,” Laura says.

Itsu curses in Japanese under her breath.

“That will happen,” Princeton says. “Hopefully you’ll find this meal much easier on the stomach.”

"Okay," Aki says, "But if there's a potty we can't talk about it."

Shit. Shit. Shit.

With that, we all head inside.

Princeton got us a table in the very back on the restaurant - ideal for having kids really, the guy knows what he’s doing- and there are already two booster seats provided for us.

"I want to sit in a big boy chair!" Aki says right away.

"You're too little." I hush him.

We seat the kids and they're quiet a second before saying, "Laura's too close to me. I don't want her taking my food's air."

Fuck.

"I'll move her." Itsu defuses the situation with the ease of someone who's done this a million times.

The inside of the restaurant is... swanky? I think the word is. High ceilings, chandeliers, hardwood floors, waiters dressed in tuxes. The whole nine yards.

Aki observes the restaurant for a minute and then asks, “Why are penguins serving the food?”

“Those are tuxedos, darling,” Itsu says, picking up her menu.

“They look like penguins.” He insists.

“They’re not,” I say, leafing through my own menu.

Aki picks up his menu, followed by Laura. They’re both holding them upside down.

“Hmm. Says here that chicken nuggets are their specialty.” Aki says.

“Oh yes.” Laura agrees. “With Mac and cheese.”

“Neither of you can read,” I say. “And chicken nuggets are not on the menu.”

Aki glances at me over his menu. “Maybe not on your menu.”

“Your menu is my menu.” I laugh.

Princeton is eating this up. "Such wonders," he says.

Itsu smiles. "Thank you. We're very proud of them."

“Your menu is wrong,” Aki says, putting his down. “Chicken nuggets, mommy!”

“Inside voice.” Itsu reminds him, picking up a smaller menu. “This is the kid’s menu.” She says. “They have pasta,”

“Pass.” he groans.

“Grilled cheese.”

Laura makes a gagging noise.

“A hamburger.” Itsu eyes them with a ‘don’t test me’ look.

“No chicken?” Aki asks poking his lip out.

“Chicken strips.” Itsu sighs. “Is that what you both want?”

“Hmm... it will do,” Laura says, putting down her menu.

“Good to know.” Itsu smiles warmly. “Now what do you want to drink?”

“A vintage 1978 merlot has a cherry aftertaste and a hint of oak,” Aki says- not missing a beat.

“You let him drink?” Princeton asks, horrified.

“No, no, no,” I say quickly. “I don’t know where he got that from.”

“And I’ll have a rum and coke,” Laura says with a smile.

"We do not let them drink alcohol," Itsu says. "I really don't know where they're getting this from."

"Maybe a martini," Laura says in thought.

"On the rocks!" Aki adds.

“Kids, I don’t know what game you’re playing, but stop,” I say lowly. “You know you’re not allowed to drink.”

Aki looks at me for a second. “Champagne then.”

“And a mimosa.” Laura nods.

“Emma.” Itsu hisses.

“Excuse me?” Princeton asks.

“Emma Frost- a long time friend of the x-men.” She says.

Well, that’s sugar coating it.

“They’re ordering her drinks.” Itsu smiles. “They went to dinner with us the other night.”

The man laughs. “Children are such sponges.” He leans closer to the table. “So tell me, little ones, what do you like to do?”

“Sacrifice gourds,” Laura says.

It's October. We carved a pumpkin a few days ago.

“Carve pumpkins.” I translate, wiping my face.

“Daddy has knives in his hands!” Aki says. “He slices right through them!”

“That’s right,” Itsu says. "But we're not going to bore Mr. Princton with that."

'Bore him' being a code word for 'we don't talk about daddy's built-in weapons in front of strangers'.

“So you use the claws... around the children?” Princeton asks.

“Well... yea,” I say. “It’s kinda a part of our everyday life.”

Annnd we're talking about it.

They shoulda sent one of x-men with less... violent powers.

“I see.” He nods.

I get a weird feeling from him.

“I like to run around naked!” Aki says.

"Aki!" Itsu says.

He smiles. Little devil.

Princeton laughs. “I like to do that too, Akihiro.”

“Did you know that ducks have teeth?” He asks.

“No.” He smiles. “You sure know a lot about ducks.”

“You talk funny,” Laura announces.

“Laura!” Itsu gasps.

“He does.” Laura mumbles.

“I’m from a different country.” He says. “English isn’t my first language.”

The kids are silent for a minute. “My uncle Kurt is from a different country,” Aki says. “His mommy threw him off a cliff when he was a baby but it’s okay because she was a gigantic bitch anyway.” He smiles.

“Oh.” The man says. “And which one is Kurt?”

“Not important,” Itsu says, glossing over it.

“No no.” The man smiles. “Tell me more about your uncles and aunties, Akihiro.”

“Aki, no,” I say.

He looks at me for a second.

“They’re pretty normal.” He says. “They do some cool stuff. I have a lot of kids to play with!”

“Oh? Do the other x-men have children?”

“Oh, yea!” Aki says happily. “There’s Tj, and Nate, and Rachel, and Annabelle, and Laura, and Me- and some kids in Wakanda that I don’t know the name of yet because they haven’t been born.”

“The x-men have ties to Wakanda?” He asks, very, very interested suddenly.

“My auntie Ro is a queen there!” Aki says proudly. “She sends us presents!”

“Aki, that’s enough,” I say quietly.

This man has me on edge.

“What about... Bobby Drake?” He asks. “Do you know Bobby Drake?”

“Uncle Bobby.” Aki nods. “What about him?”

“Is he... a nice man? Gentlemen?”

“Oh, yea.” He says.

“Does he do anything... bad- Akihiro?”

Aki scratches his head. “Not really. He looks at naked men on his laptop though.”

“Aki!” Itsu gasps again.

The man laughs. “I apologize for getting personal.” He says somewhat sheepishly. “My nephew.. is the man Mr. Drake has been seeing.”

Oh shit.

“Oh,” I say.

Itsu nods. “That’s... very interesting.” She says.

“He’s obviously not a mutant.” He says offhandedly. “But he seems very fond of Robert.”

“Uncle Bobby’s awesome!” Laura says.

“Yea!”

“And of course Robert would never do anything to disgrace my darling nephew.”

“Not really Bobby’s deal,” I say, unsurely.

Bobby’s fucking royalty? Fuck. That’s an extreme minefield we just hit. He coulda gave us a heads up.

“Where is that waiter?” Itsu asks nervously.

“He’ll be here momentarily, I’m sure.” Princeton smiles. “So, Mrs. Howlett. The woman behind the man whose name is somehow always in the back of everyone’s mind. How did you come to be married to such a prolific superhero?”

“Oh well,” Itsu chuckles. “It’s actually rather dull. He was working with the x-men in my town. I happened to see him without a mask and,” She reaches over and takes my hand, “the rest is history.”

“Ah. Love at first sight. How romantic.” He smiles. “With his past being kept in mind- I’m sure you had a lot of work to do before you were ready for children.”

Red flag. Major red flag.

I see Itsu tense.

“Logan is a wonderful father.” She smiles. “He needed no work. He accepted the role with all the grace and dignity as one would expect from any other father.”

“Of course, of course.” He says. “But you are married to Weapon X. The Weapon X. I can imagine many women being a little... hesitant to have his children.”

Red flags going off like crazy.

“I wasn’t hesitant at all, actually.” She says. “Logan is a good man. His past has very little to do with his everyday dealings.”

The man nods. “Of course. But you have to admit... coming from an observers standpoint, having been briefed on the weapon X file in its entirety, seeing him like this,” he motions to me, “Is a little... odd. I expected more...”

“Violence?” Itsu asks.

“Yes, exactly,” Princeton says. “That’s exactly the word. Violence.”

Oh, I’ll show him violence alright.

“Then you obviously didn’t do your research.” She says, somewhat hotly.

The man smiles. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to strike a nerve. I’m just... baffled. Here is by all intents and purposes a cold-blooded killer. A man who’s slain many, many men. And he’s... playing house? You aren’t worried that that ... instinct is going to kick in and he's going to-“

Itsu stands up quickly. “Mr. Princeton,” she gathers Laura and I’m left staring at her. “We don’t need your funding.” She says. “And we didn’t come here so you can insult my husband or his parenting. Logan is a good man. A caring man. He’s been nothing but wonderful to me, his children, and his friends.”

“Mrs. Howlett- I assure you- I meant no offense.”

“You came here hoping to see a beast.” She spits. “What you saw was the man behind the mask. And it wasn’t what you wanted.” She nods to me. “Logan, grab Aki.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I pick our son outta his chair- proud as hell of my lady.

“Keep your funding.” She spits. “And take it straight to hell.”

“Go to hell jackass!” Laura says.

“Yea! Go to hell!” Aki yells. “Mommy- pour water on his face!”

“If I had a glass, I would, darling.” She looks to our children. “Now, who wants McDonald’s??”

They both raise their hands.

“Good.” She takes a hand in each of hers and leads the kids out.

“Bye bye penguins!” Aki calls from the door.

I wait until the kids are in the parking lot.

“For the record, I was just gonna slash your tires,” I say. “When it comes to being a hothead, we’re pretty evenly matched. Keep your funding, keep your whatever the hell you got, but if you come near my family again- you can expect more of the same.” I nod to him. “Have a good night asshole.”

Aki, Laura, and Itsu are already in the parking lot.

Itsu smiles when she sees me coming. It’s like watching the sunrise.

“We’ll get funding another way.” She says. “He came for a freak show.”

“Yea... kinda go that impression.”

Aki and Laura are jumping in puddles. I look up at the sky. “Must have rained,” I note.

“The skies lovely,” Itsu says looking up.

“Wanna have a picnic in the park?” I ask.

She smiles. “I’d like that.”

So we blew the funding.

The kids got to tell their first jack ass to go to hell. So I guess that’s good. And he got to see that I’m not the only powerhouse in this relationship. Maybe word will spread that the Mrs. is just as crazy as I am. Maybe.


	4. Mommy and Daddy time

So getting funding didn’t go as planned.

But I mean- when does shit ever go as planned?

For the x-men? Never.

It’s actually easier to plan for things NOT going according to plan. More shit gets done that way.

Still- it sucked.

All that nervousness and he never intended to do anything but see me do something 'violent'.

I shoulda shown him violence.

I knew one of the other's should have gone.

This why I'm so fucking private with my family.

Chuck was pretty understanding. Especially after Itsu explained it. He knows better than anyone that fighting her on stuff like that is not an option.

He said it was okay and that we would find funding elsewhere. He had that look- the one that says he's kinda in my head and knows what I'm thinking? Luckily he didn't say anything. Tonight- at any rate. God knows he'll have something to say at a later date. I'll hold him off as long as I can.

He'll understand that I don't want to talk about it.

Even with everything that happened and how shitty I feel about it-I felt kinda vindicated tonight.

I didn’t know what to do- honestly. My brain went blank. And not in a good way.

I was mad- sure. But I also didn’t want to prove him right.

Itsu was right- he came for a freak show. He was ‘baffled’ when he didn’t get one.

Like I’m supposed to be some kind of beast unfit for married life and having a family.

It hurt more than anything else.

But I was more worried about what the kids would think. What they heard. What they felt. No one knows what goes on in their little minds. Sure- they’ve heard about Weapon X before... but I kinda felt like that was a discussion for when they were older. So far as they know it was a really bad place that hurt mutants (including myself) very badly and it had to be stopped at any means necessary. That should buy us a few years. They don’t need to know how it ended just yet. They’ll understand when they’re older.

Itsu and I had a quiet ride home. The kid’s kinda passed out from a McDonald’s coma- fries scattered all over the fucking car.

That’s one thing they don’t tell you about having kids. You will NEVER EVER have a clean car. Even when you think it’s clean? Nah. It’s not. Fries under the car seats, candy in the door, Cheerios in the floorboards- you will never get rid of that mess.

And that’s saying something for me. I used to be fanatic about keeping my cars clean.

Then came the munchkins and I kinda just gave up. Honestly- that’s one fight every parent should just throw in the towel over. Trust me- it’ll make life so much easier if you just give up. And that’s saying something coming from me.

We were gonna go do the picnic thing but Aki had a meltdown and we decided to go home.   
The little guy can only put up with so much, after all.

Getting the kids home proved to be easier than I thought. Once they passed out- we were golden. Itsu really didn’t say much. I think she’s digesting what happened.

She’s made it crystal clear that she has no regrets marrying me.

She’s not shy to point that out to people. And like I mentioned- it was her idea to have kids in the first place. It’s not like she was worried about me being a father. She sleeps in the same bed with me every night- even though the nightmares I sometimes have. She’s just... not scared. She has never been. I don’t think she ever will be. I think she’s just... amazing. Yea- that’s a way to put it. Amazing.

My lady is one of a kind.

Irreplaceable. That’s the word.

We got the kids home and put them to bed after our quiet ride. They didn’t really ask about what happened. I think really they were too tired.

I’m standing in our bathroom trying to piece together just where it went wrong.

The mirror is standing to the side- on the back of the door, right across from the one over the sink. Both reflections look tired. I place my hands on the gray granite counter top that surrounds our sink. Itsu’s still got makeup products spread all over the sink. Including several smudged makeup remover pad things and cotton balls. To the side of the sink is our tub. Great for bathing kids- bad for adult fun. We’ve tried- trust me- we’ve tried. When you have kids? You will do it pretty much anywhere at any time. And they make it kinda impossible. Little cock blockers. They take their job very seriously.

The toilet water is still green. Inside I see what looks like lipstick. Itsu’s nice lipstick at that.

I’m wondering if it’s worth pulling out.

I mean- it’s in the toilet and it goes on her lips.

Then again- it’s had a cap. So... maybe.

Ah hell. I'll save that for later. Figure out what to do after I talk to her.

There’s too much on my mind tonight to focus on Mr. Frog offerings.

If she's been this quiet- she's thinking something big.

I come out of the bathroom to see Itsu in her underwear, taking off her earrings.

Her underwear is the nice set I like. Black. Simple. I can kinda guess that she’s not in the mood for fooling around.

“Hey,” I say, watching her place her earrings on her vanity. It’s the only ‘nice’ piece of furniture we have. A small black bench with a colorful seat, and a glass table that makes up the vanity part, attached to a large circular mirror. She loves it. I think her daddy got it for her when we moved in. Because it’s glass, the kids aren’t allowed to touch it. Hence it still being nice.

She takes off her necklace, placing it in her jewelry box- a small wooden box I got her from Thailand.

She’s beautiful. And not just because she’s half naked.

If anything- tonight made her more beautiful than makeup and fancy clothes ever could.

(not that those don't help- they do.)

“Hey,” She turns around and smiles at me. “You look comfy.”

I look down at my outfit. Which is just my boxers. I was more in the mood to fool around than I thought I was.

“You look sexy.” I counter.

She chuckles. “In this old thing?” She motions to her bra and panties.

“It’s my favorite.”

“Noted.” She nods, bending down and picking up her heels. She walks them over to the closet and drops them in a pile of shoes with a small curse under earth breath in Japanese.

“What happened to the shoe rack?” I ask curiously.

She sighs, straightening up. “Aki climbed it.” She says.

“He... climbed it?” I ask.

She nods. “He climbed it. All the way to the top. It fell over and snapped. Luckily he was unhurt.” She smiles after that. "Playing 'Mt. Everest' again."

Our little guy. God.

"Fucking hate that game," I say.

"You and I both," she says.

I watch her for a second. “Thanks for tonight, darlin’,” I say into the quiet. “Really.”

Her smile widens. “You don’t have to thank me, love. You never have to thank me. That man was a jackass.”

“I... didn’t know what to do,” I admit. “I kinda froze.”

“I could tell.” She sits down on the bed, patting it a few times with her hand. “Come here.”

I join her, laying on my back on the bed.

“Logan there are always going to be idiots.” She says, taking my hand. “The important thing to remember is that everything you did- you did to survive. You made hard decisions. Hard calls. But your past does not define you. Anyone who holds that against you- is wrong.”

I’ve been told this by several people over the years. But... it means more to hear her say it.

“I just wonder if you... ya know. Ever regret it?”

“Regret it?” She scoffs. “Not once. Not even for a millisecond. If we could go back- I would do it the exact same way, not changing a thing.”

I smile. “You’re the best darlin’.” She’s so passionate. It’s one of the perks of being with her.

“And don’t you forget it.” She smirks.

We’re silent for a second. “Aki got a new skin today,” I tell her, filling her in on what she missed.

“I’ve heard.” She chuckles. “Bang. Bing’s little brother.”

“Yep. This one’s blue.” I say. “Looks like a monster.”

“I wonder what Bang will demand to eat.” She says thoughtfully.

"Cookies and chocolate syrup," I say.

"A balanced diet for any four-year-old." Itsu teases.

I shrug. “So long as Bang doesn’t wreck the place like his big brother- I think we’ll be good.”

Bing is a major argument in our house.

Aki gets costumes, names them, and then ‘becomes’ that person.

Bing showed up when Kitty got him a dragon costume. It’s a dragon suit. Complete with wings and a hood that becomes a head.

Bing goes EVERYWHERE.

His last excursion- when we put our foot down and said he couldn’t go places anymore- was the airport. On the way to see Itsu’s mom. Aki refused to be anyone but Bing the entire trip.

Which is cute- I admit it, it’s cute.

But when he’s Bing? Aki only acts like a dragon.

He asks for ‘mutton’. I know he doesn’t know what it is and I definitely know he wouldn’t like it. But he asks for it. When he’s not asking for that- he jumps off of things to see if he can fly.

For the record- the answer is no. No- Bing cannot fly.

When he can't get the mutton, he'll ask for things like sheep blood, innards of villagers, and burnt food. We went to a restaurant, humoring Bing, and he asked for a t-bone steak burnt to a crisp. Then threaten to bite the waiter. Then he.. bit the waiter. We tipped extra good that night. It's not every day you get bitten by a little dragon boy asking for a burnt steak.

Bing is destructive and he shouldn't be allowed anywhere but in Aki's room.

He loves Bing though. We can’t get him out of the outfit.

“I for one am glad that we’ll be able to get him out of the Bing suit long enough to wash it,” Itsu says. “Bing is covered in what I hope is a chocolate sauce.”

That’s a major thing around our house too- hoping it’s chocolate. We’ve only been wrong twice.

“Is that why he was in his underwear today?” I ask, looking up at her.

Yes! I’m not a terrible parent for letting my kid sit in his underwear!

She lounges back onto the bed. “That.” She agrees. “Among other factors. Like him taking off his pants and giving them to Mr. Frog.” She laughs. “It was a fight I did not want to have. Plus- I haven’t done laundry yet. Until I do- he’ll be pantsless or in pajamas.”

I sigh. “We gotta do something about Mr. Frog,” I say. “He’s gotten way outta hand.”

“Oh, I agree.” She said. “Mr. Frog got several of my socks today.”

“Your socks?” I laugh.

“Mm-hmm. And the green water?”

“Yea?”

“Kool-aide.” She shakes her head. “Maybe we can move Mr. Frog to somewhere less destructive. Like the tub.”

“Fat chance of that.” I laugh. “Mr. Frog has to live in the hidey hole in the potty.” I quote our youngest.

“We’ll make Mr. Frog a new hidey hole.” She says. “It will be our project tomorrow.”

“Don’t see that flying with our little guy,” I say.

“We’ll give it a shot.”

I wrap my arm around her waist, kissing her lower back.

“Mmm if you wanted anything along those lines you should have asked an hour ago.” She chuckles.

“I didn’t see you in your underwear an hour ago.” I tease.

“Well get a good look.” She laughs. “Because I’m changing into one of your shirts and my sweatpants.”

“Darlin’ you look sexy in whatever you wear.”

She smiles again. “Charmer.”

“You got it.” I laugh. “Charmer is my middle name.”

“Hmm. I see.” She pats my hand and stands up, walking over to our dresser- having to overstep a pile of legos to do so. “Laura’s been building.” She motions to the legos. “She built a tower and then played Godzilla and knocked it over.” She flashes another smile. “It was adorable. I caught it on film.”

“Should we have let them watch Godzilla?” I wonder aloud.

“Hmm.” She hums. “Perhaps not. Aki asked my mother if she’d seen him in real life. I had to explain that Japan doesn't have a giant monster living in the water. He was refusing to ever go back until she assured him Godzilla wasn't real.”

“Ha.” I laugh. “Bet your mom loved that.”

Itsu shrugs, unhooking her bra.

"Mother was a good sport about it." She says, reaching in the dresser and pulling out one of my shirts.

“Speaking of your mom,” I say, looking up at the ceiling, “How’s that visit coming along?”

Itsu pulls on her gray sweats. “She is still insistent on coming.” She says. “Maybe for Laura’s birthday.”

“Greeeeaaaat.” I groan.

Itsu pulls the shirt over her head, picking up a discarded hair tie and pulling her hair up into a bun.

"I don't know how someone so perfect came from someone so evil." I grouse.

Itsu turns around with a smile. “I know you and mother don’t get along well....”

“She hates me,” I say.

“But she loves our children.” She says, checking her reflection in the mirror on the wall by the closet.

“And I love that,” I say. “Really.”

“But...?” She makes a face and turns to the side.

“But she’s a bitch!” I groan. “She always says something negative about you. She literally called you a whale last time she visited.”

Itsu shakes her head. “Yes. I understand how difficult she can be.”

"Uh-hmm," I say. "Laura's birthday is in three weeks. She's coming. You've been to the gym for three hours, twice a day, for the last two weeks."

"Unrelated." She says, putting a hand on her stomach.

"Oh yeah?" I smirk. "Then why are you doing your 'have I gained weight' dance?"

"What?" She turns to me.

"What you're doing- right now," I say. "You turn to the side, you push on your stomach, you pull your shirt tighter.... which is my shirt. So stop."

She inhales. "Alright. I admit I'm a little nervous about mother coming. But she's, underneath it all, a good woman."

“She gave you hell for not breastfeeding,” I recall. “Called you ‘less of a woman’.”

“My mother has very strong opinions.” She says simply. "Many, many strong opinions."

“She called me ‘ an American bastard’,” I say. “I’m not even American!”

She smiles. “To be fair- most white people are American in her opinion.”

“Oh, that’s fair.” I scoff.

Itsu joins me back on the bed. “It’s one little visit.” She says. “She’ll see the kids, they’ll love her like they always do, and she’ll leave.”

A sudden fear creeps up my spine. “Unless she doesn’t want to leave,” I say.

Itsu leans her head on my shoulder. “What do you mean?”

“After your dad passed...she’s been clingy,” I say.

“My brother can deal with her.” She says. “She’s living with him anyway. And besides- moving to America is difficult. She won’t have the patience for the process.”

That’s true... but... “And if she decides to stay with her favorite daughter... the only one who’s granted her not one but two grandchildren- what do we do then?”

“I send her back home to Ichigo. My brother is well prepared for every eventuality.” She says. “She likes living in Tokyo. She won’t like moving to Manchester.”

“Okay... but I have my doubts,” I say.

Itsu kisses my cheek. “My mother does not want to live with us.”She says. “She’s visiting her grandchildren. Nothing more.”

“Okay.... if you say so,” I mumble.

“Good.” She nods. “Now that that’s cleared up... we should get some sleep.”

“Sleep? It’s barely 11.” I chuckle. "Don't tell me you're turning into an old lady. Like... your mom?"

"Bite your tongue." She gasps teasingly.

I smile. "Why are we going to bed early?"

“Aki has his big boy check up in the morning.” She says. “Dr. Smith strongly advises that we both be there.”

Right... “Because of-“

“Last time.” Itsu says, “Exactly. Because of last time.”

“To be fair,” I say. “Needles suck.”

She smirks. “Your son- I do not claim him in that instance- punched the doctor, the nurse, AND the receptionist. Repeatedly.”

“Aki doesn’t like shots,” I say simply.

“I know that dear- and shots are terrible. But Dr. Smith as asked both of us to go to keep Aki calm.... and restrain him if necessary.”

“How hard is it to restrain a four-year-old?” I laugh.

“Obviously you don’t do enough bath time.” She jokes.

I roll my eyes. “Fine. We’ll both go.”

“Good.” She says. “We’ll have to wake up at six to give him a bath and get him ready.”

“Ughh.” I groan. “This just gets worse and worse.”

“Bath time is a must before we take him to a health care professional.” She says.

“I get it- I get it,” I say. “It’s just... Aki? At six AM? Getting a bath??”

“You save the world on a daily basis,” Itsu smirks. “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of your four-year-old.”

“I ain’t afraid of anything,” I say. “Get that straight right now. He’s just... unhappy in the morning.”

“I know it more than anyone.” Itsu laughs. “He’s your son after all. And you’re not the most pleasant in the morning either. You could say he gets it naturally.”

I roll my eyes. “Fine. Six Am wake up call. Got it.”

“We’ll make him some pancakes.” She says. “He calms down for pancakes.”

“Sounds doable.” I lean over and kiss her. “If we’re gonna do this- we need to hit the sack,” I say.

“I agree.” She says, laying down. I follow her lead and lay behind her, wrapping my arm around her small waist and wedging the other behind her head.

“Good night darlin’.” I kiss behind her ear.

Itsu reaches her hand out and holds my hand- the one that’s been trapped underneath her. “Good night love.”

Today wasn’t the best- given. But it wasn’t the worst. I find since Itsu came into my life, a lot of days have been like that. She just makes everything better.

And when you find someone who can do that? You do not let them go. Even if that means waking up a cranky small child extremely early in the morning.


	5. Breakfast with Tj

The setting? 6 AM. Monday. The Institute. Outside our four- year- old's bedroom.   
  
Two adults against one small child waking up three hours early, giving him a bath, and taking him to the doctor.   
  
The odds... are not in our favor.   
  
“Okay- plan A is in progress.” I say to my wife- who’s dressed in her ‘shabby clothes’. A pair of ratty shorts and a hoodie. Sadly. - this is bathtime attire. “Mommy first. I'll be back up."   
  
She nods. "Got it. Be on standby. Pancakes will be offered but the reward of a new pokemon might be in order for a full day of compliance."   
  
"Misson is a go," I say quietly.   
  
She cracks the door and walks to Aki’s bed. Poor little guy’s passed out with his toys pressed to his chest- most of them pokemon. He collects them. Which is really expensive since the best ones come from Japan.   
  
Itsu starts a small little song in Japanese- how she usually wakes him up.   
  
He turns over- away from the light in the hallway.   
  
"Darling, it's time to get up." She says. "The world is beautiful and big and waiting for you to be a part of it!"   
  
"Noooooo..." He groans sleepily.   
  
“It’s time to wake up,” Itsu says, gently petting his hair. “Mommy made pancakes.”   
  
A bribe. Right off the bat.   
  
Aki rubs his eyes- looking confused before settling into a frown.   
  
“What time is it?” He asks sleepily.   
  
“It’s time to get up my little sleepy boy,” Itsu says.   
  
“No.” He says. "no get up."   
  
Straight- to the point. That’s our boy.   
  
“Aki, we need to go on an adventure today,” Itsu says with as much enthusiasm as she can put into it. "Do you want to go on an adventure?"   
  
“Adventure?” He perks up at that.   
  
“Mmhmm.” She says. “You, me, and Daddy are going on an adventure.”   
  
“I like adventures!” He sits up in bed.   
  
“We have to get ready for the adventure first,” Itsu says. “We need to do three things.” She holds up three fingers. “Are you listening?”   
  
He nods enthusiastically.   
  
“Step one:” She holds up one finger. “We need to get a bath.”   
  
He nods. “Step one.” He repeats, holding up one finger.   
  
“Step two;” She says, holding up a second finger. “We need to eat breakfast.”   
  
He nods again, holding up a second finger.   
  
This is working. God- it’s actually working.   
  
“Step three:” She holds up the final finger. “We have to get in the car and get on the road.” She looks at him ‘seriously’. “Akihiro Howlett... can you complete this mission?”   
  
“Yes! Yes! I can!” He says. "I can! I can!"   
  
She nods. “Can you complete it in an hour and thirty minutes?” She asks.   
  
He nods quickly, jumping out of bed. “Step one!” He says. “Step one! Bath!” he runs past me in the direction of our bedroom.   
  
Itsu joins me at the door, crossing her arms. “Easy.” She says.   
  
“Darlin’ that was amazing,” I say, kissing her. "Mommy of the year."   
  
“Step one!” Aki calls- head sticking out from our bedroom. "Stop kissing!" he says. "There's no kissing on adventures!"   
  
Itsu raises an eyebrow. “Step one.” She holds up one finger and crooks it at me, walking in Aki’s direction.   
  
I follow behind, kinda curious about how the rest of this is gonna go.   
  
When we get into the bathroom Aki’s already stripped and is climbing into the tub.   
  
“Faster mommy!” He says. “We have to complete my mission!”   
  
Itsu leans over and runs the bath water. “Sit down, lovey.” She says.   
  
Aki plops down on the clear plastic mat we use to keep the kids from slipping.   
  
Itsu takes her time in lathering up a washcloth and washing him thoroughly.   
  
Around the sixth minute, he looks up at her with a little bit of annoyance.   
  
“I smell like soap.” He wrinkles his nose.   
  
“Yes, Aki. That’s a normal people smell.” Itsu says.   
  
“I don’t like this soap.” He says, sticking his tongue out. “Smells like orange fruit.”   
  
“Oranges, darling.” Itsu laughs. “They’re called ‘oranges’.”   
  
“I don’t like oranges,” Aki says.   
  
“Yes, you do,” Itsu argues.   
  
“I decided I don’t,” Aki says.   
  
“When?” Itsu asks.   
  
“Just now when you put the soap on my head.” He pouts.   
  
“You had an orange yesterday,” Itsu says. "You do like them."   
  
"No. Oranges are smelly."   
  
"You like smelly," I argue.   
  
"it's good smelly! I don't like good smelly!"   
  
"Aki, you like oranges," Itsu repeats. "We've used this soap many, many times." She motions to the bottle shaped like a fish.   
  
“I don’t, I don’t, I don’t!” He crosses his arms over his chest. “I hate orange fruit! I hate it! Don't wanna smell nice smelly!"   
  
“Aki- settle down,” I warn, leaning against the door frame.   
  
“I hate orange fruit!” He says hotly. As steamed as a four-year-old can get.   
  
"Son- stop."   
  
He stands up in the tub. "I hate orange fruit!"   
  
Itsu starts trying to wash his hair.   
  
"Don't touch my hair!" He yells, stomping his foot.   
  
"I've got to wash it." She says with a sigh.   
  
"NO! You'll make it all smelly!"   
  
"Aki..."   
  
"If you make me smell like oranges, I'm gonna go roll in something smelly!" He threatens.   
  
We know from experience that he will.   
  
"You better not," I warn.   
  
He glares at me, then her. "My mommy and daddy are mean!" he says. "I don't like orange fruit and they rubbed it in my hair!"   
  
"OH, yea," I say. "Mommy and daddy are mean because they want you to be clean and not get diseases from being dirty." I roll my eyes.   
  
"I want diseases!" Aki says.   
  
We both share a bewildered look.   
  
"I want diseases!" He repeats, shaking his head like a dog.   
  
"Aki- stop being grumpy," Itsu says.   
  
"Give me diseases!" he orders.   
  
Itsu sighs and pokes his forehead. "Congratulations." She says. "You have the mumps."   
  
"Don't want mumps." He says.   
  
"What do you want?" She asks.   
  
"Diseases!" He insists.   
  
"Flu?"   
  
"No!"   
  
"West Nile virus?"   
  
"I don't wanna go to the Nile it's full of crocodiles- auntie Ro said!" He says.   
  
"Aki, you don't want diseases, you will get your hair washed, and you will stop being so grumpy," I say.   
  
He crosses his arms.   
  
Itsu looks over her shoulder at me. “You don’t sound like a boy who wants to go on an adventure.” Itsu says with a lilt to her voice- rinsing his hair."Do you still want an adventure?"   
  
"I do.” He says after a minute. “I just don’t want to smell like orange fruit.”   
  
“It’s too late now.” Itsu sighs. “But,” She holds up a finger to stop his oncoming complaint. “Mommy will get you new soap while we’re out today- okay? You can even pick the smell.”   
  
Aki eyes her before sticking his hand out. “Deal.”   
  
She shakes his little hand. “Deal.”   
  
So there’s a minor hiccup in getting him ready for his ‘adventure’. And apparently the boy wants to be 'diseased' but it’s still nowhere near his usual meltdowns.   
  
Itsu taps his nose with her finger. “Boop.” She says.   
  
That gets a smile from him.   
  
“You booped me!” He laughs.   
  
Bad mood gone.   
  
“I did.” She smiles. “Let’s get you dry.”   
  
He stands up and holds his arms out- letting Itsu wrap him in a towel and pick him up.   
  
"I do want diseases." He says.   
  
"I know darling," Itsu says.   
  
"I want gangrene."   
  
She pulls a face. "Why?"   
  
"I just want it," he says.   
  
"But why?"   
  
"I want it." he insists.   
  
"Eh.... no," I say after a minute of silence. "No, Aki- you cannot have gangrene."   
  
This is the kind of conversation you have with a kid.   
  
Tiny little drunks. All of em.   
  
"I'm gonna go get gangrene." He says.   
  
"Good luck." I chuckle. "it's physically impossible."   
  
"Na uh." He says.   
  
"Yea huh," I say.   
  
Itsu gives me a look.   
  
Right. Don't sink to his level.   
  
"Why won't you give me diseases?" Aki asks.   
  
"Because diseases are not a good thing- son," I say.   
  
"But I want one!"   
  
"No, you don't," I say.   
  
"I want it so I don't have to smell like orange fruit!" He says.   
  
Ah. I see his logic now.   
  
"if you get diseases you'll smell even MORE like oranges," I say. "Because you'll be in a hospital. And they clean all their stuff with lemon and orange smells."   
  
Aki looks at me as if trying to figure out if I'm lying.   
  
"And you'll have to stay in the bed and get a whole bunch of shots." I lay it on a little thick.   
  
"I want the mumps." He says. "Mommy give me the mumps again."   
  
Itsu pokes his forehead and sighs. "You have the mumps." She says.   
  
"Yay!" He says like he's won something.   
  
She starts drying him, humming to herself.   
  
“Mommy sing,” Aki says. "Because I have the mumps and I'm dying."   
  
Itsu looks up at the ceiling and says in Japanese "this is why we only have two."   
  
"You are not dying." She says.   
  
"I have the mumps and I'm dying!" he insists. "Mommy sing!"   
  
"If you keep saying you're dying- I'll take the mumps away," Itsu says.   
  
"Don't take my mumps!"   
  
"Then you're not dying," Itsu says. "Mommy doesn't like thinking about you dying."   
  
He pouts. "I have the mumps though." He says.   
  
"Do you want to keep having the mumps?" She asks patiently.   
  
"Yes." He says.   
  
"Then you're not dying." She says.   
  
"Fine," he says. "But sing even though I'm not dying."   
  
“What would you like to hear?” She asks.   
  
“Hmm.... a Spanish song.” He says.   
  
“A Spanish song?”   
  
“From Coco.” He says.   
  
He's watched Coco like .. maybe three times. He's yet to find someone who can sing the songs to him. Either they don't speak Spanish or they don't know what the hell he's talking about.   
  
Itsu smiles. “I don’t speak Spanish, darling. All those songs are Spanish.”   
  
“Sing... Coco.” He insists.   
  
“Mommy doesn’t know Coco.” She says. “I speak English and Japanese. Not Spanish.”   
  
“Sing Coco in Japanese.” He says.   
  
She leans down and kisses his cheek. “No such thing.” She says.   
  
“Baa- Baa could do it.” He says, pouting.   
  
“Baa- Baa barely speaks English.” Itsu laughs. “I doubt she could speak Spanish.”   
  
“I liked taking Bing to see Baa-Baa. She took me to the Pokémon store!”   
  
“Uh-hmm.” Itsu dries him off some.   
  
"I got a Ghastly!"   
  
"The purple and black one?" Itsu asks.   
  
He nods.   
  
"You like that one." She says. "He sleeps in your bed."   
  
"It's not a 'he'." He huffs. "MY Ghastly is a girl."   
  
"Excuse me." She says. "SHE sleeps in your bed." Itsu corrects her 'major' offense.   
  
We're all quiet for a second.   
  
"Daddy speaks Spanish," Aki says.   
  
"Daddy doesn't sing," I say.   
  
"Even if I have the mumps?" He asks.   
  
"Daddy doesn't sing," I repeat. "And I don't know Coco."   
  
"Daddy speaks a lot of languages," Aki says.   
  
"Yep."   
  
"He can watch pokemon before it's in English."   
  
Not that I'd want to.. but yea. I guess he's right.   
  
“I liked that show.” He says. “Some of the kids looked like me.”   
  
We both stop for a minute- like freezing.   
  
Did we just go from 'I want to have the mumps' to another racial conversation?   
  
We have a lot of those and I'm still not quite sure how to deal with them.   
  
It's little things like "Laura's white."   
  
And we have to be like... yes- she is.   
  
And he'll go "I'm not."   
  
And we have to agree.   
  
Then he'll spend a lot of time deciding if HE wants to be white too.   
  
The answer always changes depending on where we are.   
  
Sometimes he wants to be Japanese like mommy. Sometimes he wants to be white like me.   
  
It's a touchy subject in our house. Chuck said we should try to normalize the topic so he can express his worries and concerns about race in a positive way.   
Whatever the hell that means.   
  
“What do you mean darling?” Itsu asks.   
  
“Like me.” He says simply.   
  
Itsu bites her lip- probably thinking what I'm thinking. “You like shows with kids who look like you- hmm?”   
  
He nods. "A lot of shows don't look like me," he says. "Especially when Laura watches cartoons."   
  
"And you want shows that have kids that look like you?" Itsu asks.   
  
He nods. "It's fun to see them."   
  
“I have just the thing.” She kisses him again.   
  
Aki is quiet for a long minute. “Did I make you sad?” He asks quietly.   
  
“No, no, no darling.” She shushes. “No. Mommy’s not sad.”   
  
“You smell sad,” he says.   
  
“I’m not.” She says, smiling. “Just thinking.”   
  
“About sad things?”   
  
Itsu looks over his head at me. “Yes.” She says. “I’m thinking about sad things.”   
  
Aki’s very perceptive to things like race.   
  
It’s a weird awareness to have as a child.   
  
His uncle- the brother Itsu actually talks to- isn’t kind to Aki. Her sister we’ve cut communication with altogether because of her cruelty to our little guy.   
  
Not that any of my cousins would be better.   
  
Hudsons aren’t exactly an understanding bunch. What’s left of ‘em at any rate?   
  
Took them forever to admit that I was actually the heir to momma’s fortune. To do so meant they had to admit there were mutants in the family.   
  
And you know being a mutant automatically makes you not worthy of your families love.   
  
It’s bullshit.   
  
It’s bullshit I don’t want around my little guy.   
  
But... it’s there.   
  
Aki walks a fine line as far as appearances go. We never really notice- he’s just our cute little guy.   
  
But when we’re in Japan the people comment about his eyes being blue. “Never seen such an interesting color before’. Is the nicest it’s been put. In the states, they comment about how Asian he looks. There’s no nice way to put that.   
  
We try to get him to embrace both of his cultures. Trips to Japan. Trips to Canada. Things like this. A simple ‘this is where you come from, and we are proud of it’.   
  
The little guy gets more than people give him credit for.   
  
“Don’t be sad, mommy.” He says, reaching up for her.   
  
She wraps her arms around him, picking him up off his feet. “I feel much better now.” She says.   
  
Aki snuggles up to her. “Me too.” He says. “Even if I smell like orange fruit and have the mumps."   
  
“Let’s pick out your outfit,” Itsu says. “What do you want to wear today?”   
  
He taps his lip with his little finger. “Bing.” He says.   
  
And here we go.   
  
“Aki, Bing is not something we wear out of the house,” Itsu says.   
  
"Bing has the mumps too." He says.   
  
"We don't wear Bing outside." I back Itsu up.   
  
“Bing wants to go on the adventure.” He says.   
  
“Bing needs to stay home with his brother and his friends,” Itsu says.   
  
Aki shakes his head. “No, Bing definitely needs to come.”   
  
"Bing should stay here," I say. "This adventure is no place for a dragon boy."   
  
Aki gasps. "Are there knights???"   
  
Knights slay dragons- Knights are bad. It's a weird stance for a kid to have on things like "King Arthur". Usually, little boys vote for the knights. Aki? No Aki pulls for the dragons. He's always so upset when the dragon dies.   
  
"Yep. Tons of Knights." I say.   
  
Itsu nods. "So Bing needs to stay here."   
  
Aki cocks his head to the side. "Bing can take them." He says finally.   
  
Not working.   
  
"Bing is dirty," Itsu says.   
  
"Bing is supposed to be dirty!" Aki says.   
  
Itsu dries his hair. "If Bing has the mumps, he shouldn't leave the house."   
  
"I have the mumps too," Aki says.   
  
"But Bing has dragon mumps," Itsu says, thinking on her feet. "It's much worse." She says.   
  
"No. Bing has Aki mumps. I can tell." He says.   
  
I try to make the kid see reason and end this conversation.“Aki- the doctor wants to see-“   
  
“DOCTOR????” He starts pulling away from his momma so hard she almost drops him.   
  
Yep. Daddy fucked up. It’s too early in the morning. Fuck.   
  
Itsu glares at me and mouths “thanks”.   
  
“NO! NO! NO!”   
  
“Akihiro, please,” I say. “Calm down.”   
  
I expect more yelling- but instead, his little face crumples up.   
  
“Awh buddy.” I say to the oncoming tears, “It’s okay.” I can’t for the life of me figure out why doctors freak him out so badly.   
  
He’s shaking his head. And you can barely hear a chorus of ‘no’s’ through his tears. "Don't want the mumps." He says. "No mumps. Mommy take the mumps away!"   
  
Itsu kisses his cheeks. “There, there, big boy.” She says. “I know you’re scared.”   
  
“Tj said the doctors are vampires!” He wails.   
  
“They’re not vampires.” I soothe. “They just wanna check up on you.”   
  
Itsu dries his little face. “Just a little checkup.” She says. “Can my big boy do that?”   
  
He shakes his head in a jerky motion. "I can't! I can't!"   
  
"Sure you can," I say. "You're a brave little boy."   
  
"I'm not!" Aki says. "I don't want to go on an adventure! Wanna stay home!"   
  
"You can do it- Aki," Itsu says.   
  
"I can't do that!" Aki cries.   
  
Itsu raises an eyebrow. “Could... Bing do that?” She asks.   
  
Aki looks at her, tears still on his face.   
  
Bing? She’s playing the Bing card already? She must be tired too.   
  
“Bing is a little dragon boy.” Itsu continues. “Dragon’s aren’t afraid of the doctor.... right?”   
  
Aki seems to be considering it. “No.” He says. “Dragon’s aren’t afraid of the doctor.”   
  
“That’s right. Dragons are tough and brave.” She says. “Would Bing go to the doctor?”   
  
God. We’re taking a dragon boy to the doctor.   
  
"You said Bing couldn't leave the house." He says.   
  
"We'll make an exception for this mission," Itsu says. "Dragons are very brave, you know. They're not scared of anything."   
  
“Can Bing still have pancakes?” He sniffs.   
  
“Of course he can.” She says. “So.... would you like to put your Bing suit on?”   
  
He nods.   
  
Itsu turns to me. “Daddy, go get Bing.”   
  
This is gonna be an ordeal. I go through the dark house to Aki’s room. Barely anyone is up. Bing is in the closet with the rest of his 'skins'. As I grab the outfit and leave- I run into the Elf, looking exhausted and heading in the direction of Talia's bedroom.   
  
“Hey... what’s up with you?” I have to admit I'm smirking.   
  
“Talia is going through her monster phase,” Kurt says tiredly. “I’ve gotten four hours of sleep last night. I can't convince her that there's nothing to fear.”   
  
“Tell her you’ll kick the monsters ass,” I say simply. "Works for Aki."   
  
Kurt raises an eyebrow. “Like I haven’t already tried that.” He motions to the costume. “Is Bing going to the doctor?”   
  
I hold the green suit up. “Yep. Kinda let it slip that his ‘big adventure’ was to the doctor. Now he’ll only go as Bing. Oh, and he has the mumps.”   
  
"The... mumps?"   
  
"Yep. It was that or gangrene."   
  
"I think that the mumps is far worse than gangrene," Kurt says.   
  
"Yep. So I've got a mump infected dragon boy to take to the doctor. I'm decently sure he's going to want to check on Aki's head to see if the boy's all there."   
  
“Could be worse,” Kurt says.   
  
“Yea? I’ve got a dragon boy for a son- how could it be worse?”   
  
“Talia was trying on Wanda’s corset yesterday.” He says, looking terrified. “It was like glimpsing into the future.”   
  
“And did Mrs. Wagner put a stop to that?” I ask with a smile.   
  
He shakes his head. “She took pictures.”   
  
I pat his shoulder. “That’s what you get for having a girl,” I say with a grin. "No doubt she'll be just like her momma. Or... grandma.Ya know."   
  
"She will absolutely not be like her grandmother," Kurt says. "That woman is not allowed within ten feet of her."   
  
Yep. The Wagners have some... family issues.   
  
"How'd things with your dad go?" I ask.   
  
"I banished him to hell along with someone who I think may be my aunt to be kept there for all eternity," Kurt says like it's no big deal.   
  
"And.. he was cool with that?"   
  
"Oh, definitely not." Kurt smiles. "But... choices have to be made."   
  
"And I'm sure your 'choice' was very unbiased."   
  
Kurt raises an eyebrow. "Very." He says.   
  
"So Tj likes momma's outfit, huh?" I change the subject.   
  
"For now." He says.   
  
"Really- you wanted a girl if I remember right."   
  
"Ach. Only because my father had all boys." He says. "She was fine when she was younger. Now she wants to dress like mommy."   
  
"Ha. Girls." I laugh.   
  
“Might I point out that you have a girl as well.” He says, crossing his arms.   
  
“Yea... but Laura’s not interested in dress up. I doubt she’ll ever wear anything other than jeans. She wouldn't be caught dead in a corset.”   
  
Speaking of Laura, I hope she behaves semi-decently today for whatever poor soul is watching her.   
  
“Ha. A man can hope.” He walks off to his room, leaving me in the hallway.   
  
I wonder if there’s anything we can do for little Tj. Poor thing has the scariest grandmother and grandfather(s) on the planet. Azazel- a demon warlord, Mystique- pure evil, and Magneto- insane. With that in your family line- how could you possibly be scared of monsters?   
  
I take Bing back to my room.   
  
Itsu’s got Aki on the bed, waiting in his underwear.   
  
“Bing!” He cries happily.   
  
“If you put on Bing you have to go the doctor,” I tell him.   
  
He nods.   
  
“And you can’t punch or kick,” I add.   
  
He nods again.   
  
“Okay.” I pass it to Itsu who helps him into his costume.   
  
“Bing wants pancakes.” ‘Bing’ says. "And more mumps."   
  
“Let’s go have pancakes.” Itsu smiles. "But he has enough mumps."   
  
Aki goes to jump off the bed, but I catch him before he hits the ground.   
  
“Bing can fly, daddy.” He huffs.   
  
“Bing is too little of a dragon to fly.” I set him on his feet.   
  
“He just hasn’t tried enough,” Aki says, walking out of our bedroom.   
  
“Hey, Bing!” Talia calls- standing outside her parent's room.   
  
“Hey, Tj!” He waves happily. "Do you want the mumps?" he turns to Itsu. "Give Tj the mumps!"   
  
Inside the room, you can hear Kurt and Wanda ‘discussing’ who’s going to feed and care for their daughter this morning.   
  
Tj is dancing in her spot. "Gonna kick some monster ass!" she says.   
  
I doubt she got that from Kurt.   
  
“What are you doing up so early?” Itsu asks.   
  
“Daddy had to keep all the monsters away last night,” Talia says. “I got up early so we could keep monster’s away together!”   
  
Kurt comes out of the room. “To the kitchen.” He says.   
  
“For toaster strudels?” Talia asks.   
  
“That’s pure sugar,” Kurt says.   
  
“Let her have it!” Wanda calls from the room.   
  
Kurt rolls his eyes. “Fine. Sugar. Again.”   
  
"TJ! Get the mumps with me!" Aki insists.   
  
"Let's not give Talia the mumps," Kurt says. "She's fine un-mumped."   
  
"I want mumps!" Tj says.   
  
"No Talia- you don't," Kurt says.   
  
"Mumps! Mumps! Mumps!" The two chant.   
  
Kurt inhales deeply. "I did not sleep enough for this." He says. "Talia- please. Go to the kitchen."   
  
“We’re going to the kitchen,” Itsu says. “We could watch Tj while she eats... and you could possibly get a few minutes of sleep?”   
  
He nods. “Great idea. Best idea I’ve heard all night.” He turns to his daughter. “Go with your aunt Itsu. Behave.”   
  
"Alright. But I'm coming back with the mumps." She says.   
  
"Fine. Come back with the mumps," he says. "Just behave, alright darling?"   
  
Tj nods quickly. “Come on Bing!” She holds her hand out and Aki takes it- then the two start running through the halls to the kitchen.   
  
“Good luck,” Kurt says, going back to his room and shutting the door.   
  
I turn to Itsu, raising an eyebrow. “You know Tj destroys the kitchen in the morning- right?” I ask.   
  
Itsu takes my hand and we start to follow the kids. “I am aware.” She says.   
  
“And you know we’ll have to clean up after her- right?”   
  
She smiles. “As per the kitchen cleaning chart- no, we actually don’t.”   
  
“Oh yeah?” That's news to me.   
  
She nods with a grin. “It’s Bobby’s turn.”   
  
That makes me laugh. “Oh, he’s gonna love that.”   
  
She smirks. “I don’t know what to tell him. I cleaned up after him and his very inebriated fiancé.”   
  
“He wants us to say boyfriend,” I say.   
  
“They are engaged.” She says. “I don’t see why he has all these hang-ups. At least not around us.”   
  
I squeeze her hand. “He’s getting there.”   
  
“I just wish for him to have something like the rest of us have. And not be ashamed of it.” She says.   
  
“He’s getting there,” I repeat.   
  
I’m surprised the two haven’t just eloped. I’m sure it would be easier to tell his parents about if he was already married.   
  
God knows Thomas has been spending all his nights here. It’s like he’s basically moved in. If they got hitched they’d at least get a bigger room. They’re two grown men sleeping on a twin sized mattress. That can’t be comfortable.   
  
We finally make it to the kitchen- which is now a horrible mess.   
  
“Tj,” I say in disbelief, “What happened?”   
  
There’s sugar spread everywhere, there’s syrup running down the table legs, the fridge is open and shits been torn out from its drawers.   
  
The little blue girl freezes in the middle of pouring orange juice all over the damn counter.   
  
“Breakfast.” She says simply.   
  
‘Bing’ is at the table eating pancakes with his bare hands. They're not cut up- he's ripping into them with the worst set of table manners I've ever seen. And I've had a lot of meals with Deadpool. You want to talk about bad table manners- one time he shot me in the hand for 'hogging the hot sauce'.   
  
“Perhaps... some cleaning is in order after all.” Itsu pats my shoulder and goes about cleaning up after my best friend’s highly destructive five- year- old. “Sit at the table Talia.” Itsu says sweetly, “I’ll fix your breakfast and your juice.”   
  
Tj nods and walks over to the table, pulling out one of the chairs and climbing into it.   
  
Yea... she’s a climber.   
  
Elf’s ‘mom’ (the woman his dad dropped him off with) warned him that he’d be pulling her off of things. Of course, she meant ceilings and walls- but climbing the counters and such is also a totally valid payback for the woman.   
  
The kitchen is a small kitchen- it’s the one the x-men use. No kids. Well- other than our kids.   
  
The counters are stained from Kool-aide spills. Once looking bright and marble-ish now grimy and used.   
  
The fridge she so lovingly climbed- that’s probably what she did- has seen better days.   
  
That’s mainly my and Remy’s fault- though. We got drunk and the fridge was not complying.   
  
I told Chuck I’d replace it but he said not to bother. It’s time to redo the kitchen anyway.   
  
Over the counters are a bunch of cabinets, somehow also housing Kool-aide stains.   
  
Don’t know which squirt that was. But you gotta give them props for their ability to fuck shit up.   
  
Itsu puts a toaster strudel into the toaster, grabs the broom and sweeps up the sugar, puts a pot of coffee on, and wipes up the syrup from the table.   
  
I now realize I probably should have helped with some of that.   
  
“You’re being such a big help and I hate to bother you,” she says smugly, “But could you go cut up our darling son’s pancakes?”   
  
I nod. “Sure.” The smell of coffee is overwhelming. I think I’m gonna need some of that to get through today.   
  
I walk over to the table and look at my youngest shoveling pancakes- with syrup- into his mouth with his bare hands.   
  
“We use forks for pancakes,” I tell him.   
  
“Dragons don’t know how to use forks.” He says.   
  
I inhale deeply. “Use a fork,” I say. “Or you’re not going to eat pancakes.”   
  
Aki glares at me. “Fine.” He says, picking up his fork.   
  
“Thank you.” I pull his plate over to me and start cutting up his pancakes.   
  
“Why don’t you use your points?” Aki asks.   
  
“Cause they’d cut through the plate,” I say, focusing on cutting them up in bite-size pieces.   
  
“I think that would be cool,” Tj says.   
  
“It would be cool,” Aki says. “Be cool, daddy!”   
  
“I’m not using my points,” I say. “They’ll Get syrupy.”   
  
The kids are quiet for a second. “Where do they go?” Aki asks.   
  
“Where do what go?” I'm too focused on cutting pancakes and way too tired to keep up with him right now.   
  
“Your points,” Aki says. "Where do they go when they're not out?"   
  
“Into my hands,” I say, finishing cutting up his pancakes and pushing the plate back to him.   
  
“How do they come out?” He asks.   
  
“Through my skin,” I say.   
  
“That sounds like it hurts,” Aki says.   
  
“I heal pretty much as soon as they come out,” I say. “It doesn’t hurt that bad.”   
  
"But they live in your arms?" Aki asks.   
  
"Yea, buddy. They do."   
  
"When did you make them come out?" He asks.   
  
"I don't remember," I tell him.   
  
Yea I do. But I'm not gonna tell him about ya know. Killing his grandparents and running off at a ripe age of 10. Sounds like a story he NEVER needs to hear.   
  
"Ya, you do," Aki says.   
  
"I don't." I lie.   
  
"He probably doesn't," Talia says. "Your dad is old." She whispers.   
  
"Ha," Itsu says. "Hear that?"   
  
I nod. "I am old." I agree.   
  
"DId you see cowboys?" Aki asks.   
  
"Cowboys weren't really a thing," I say.   
  
"Did women have to wear dresses?" Tj asks.   
  
"Uh-hmm."   
  
"Did you have running water?"   
  
"Yes."   
  
"Did you ride in a buggy thingy."   
  
"Enough questions," I say. "Eat your breakfast."   
  
Aki nods.   
  
Their conversation slips backs to orange fruit, mumps, and monsters.   
  
“I want points like daddy,” Aki says, randomly. "That live in my arms and come out shiny."   
  
“Maybe you’ll get them,” Tj says. “I keep trying to disappear like daddy- it doesn’t work.”   
  
That makes me smile.   
  
“I focus really hard,” Tj says. “Really, really, really hard.”   
  
“Maybe that’s not your gift,” Itsu says, joining us at the table with a cup of coffee.   
  
“I also tried to change my shape,” Tj says. “Like grandma.”   
  
I’ll never get used to hearing Mystique referred to as ‘grandma’.   
  
“Oh?” Itsu asks.   
  
Tj nods. “I made myself dizzy and hot.”   
  
We both chuckle.   
  
“Then I tried using magic like mommy.” She says.   
  
Hmm. Maybe it’s possible that Tj’s going to get something new?   
  
There’s no doubt she’s a mutant. No doubt at all.   
  
Kinda curious as to what her powers will be when they surface.   
  
“I don’t want to disappear or change shapes,” Aki says, sticking pancakes in his mouth. “I want points.”   
  
He broke an arm a while back- it healed in a few days but we wanted to make sure it healed right so we got him an x-ray. Doc said there’s ‘strange calcium’ build up in his hands. He said he’d never seen anything like it. I’m betting Aki’s closer to getting ‘points’ than he realizes. That will be a trying day- I’m sure.   
  
“You’ll get what you get,” Itsu says, kissing his head. “Or maybe something different. We’ll love you either way.”   
  
“Yea... but I want to be a mutant.” He says. “Like all my aunties and uncles.”   
  
“Eh... with your hearing and your healing- you already are a mutant, buddy,” I say.   
  
“I am???”   
  
“Yep.”   
  
“That’s so cool!” he says.   
  
Glad to know he thinks so. God knows I’ve felt like this was a curse before.   
  
“It is cool,” Itsu says. “Now eat your breakfast. We need to go on our adventure!”   
  
“It’s not an adventure now that I know where we’re going.” He says, pouting a little.   
  
“That was only part of the adventure,” Itsu says. “The other half is a secret.”   
  
“Secret?”   
  
She nods.   
  
“I like secrets!” He says happily. “Like when I saw Uncle Bobby hit daddy’s car with his car! That was a secret.”   
  
I stare at him for a long minute. “Uncle Bobby did what now?”   
  
“It’s a secret, daddy,” Aki says, rolling his eyes.   
  
“Don’t cut your eyes at me boy,” I say, though I’m smiling.   
  
“How do you cut eyes?” He asks.   
  
“It means ‘roll’ your eyes,” Itsu says.   
  
“I can’t roll my eyes well,” Tj says. “Well, I can. But you can’t really tell because my whole eye is yellow.”   
  
“Tj has cool eyes,” Aki says.   
  
“They see in the dark!” She says. “And sometimes, when I go in the dark- you can’t see me!”   
  
Yea. Think once upon a time someone called that ‘shadow blending’. Elf is really good at it.   
  
“That’s very cool,” Itsu says with a smile, taking a sip of her coffee.   
  
“And I can hang upside down without getting dizzy!” She says.   
  
“And climb stuff!” Aki says. “She’s a good climber.”   
  
“It doesn’t sound like you need to teleport or shapeshift at all, Talia,” Itsu says sweetly. “It sounds like you’ve already got your own powers.”   
  
“Yea, but those don’t count.”   
  
Itsu walks over and retrieves her toaster strudel, icing it up with frosting, and bringing it back over to the table.   
  
“Why not?” Itsu asks.   
  
“They’re not cool,” Tj says, taking a huge bite of her strudel.   
  
“They’re very cool.” Itsu insists. “I can’t see in the dark or blend into shadows.”   
  
“Yea, but you’re a human person,” Tj says.   
  
Itsu smiles. “I am.”   
  
“And you don’t have any cool powers,” Tj says.   
  
“I wouldn’t say that,” Itsu says. “I have talents some people don’t. Everyone does. It’s just not as ‘cool’ as mutant powers.” She pats the girl’s shoulder. “Your powers are more than enough.” She says. “You may not think they’re ‘cool’ but to me, you are nothing short of amazing.”   
  
Tj smiles wide- and I’ve seen that smile a million times before working with her daddy.   
  
“I guess they are kinda cool.” She says.   
  
“Uh-hmm.” Itsu directs her attention to Aki. “Are you finished, big boy?”   
  
He nods. “Good. Daddy, wash him up. I’ll go get dressed.”   
  
She leans down and kisses me.   
  
Now, all we gotta do is wash Aki, find someone to watch Tj, and get everyone in the car.   
  
No big deal right?   
  
Here’s hoping ‘Bing’ will behave long enough to have his check up- which we're only doing for paperwork. We both know the kid's got my healing factor. He doesn't need doctors- not really. But.. paperwork insists that he have checkups at certain milestones. SO... wear we go.   
  
Let's just hope that everything works like it should.   
  
I mean- it’s a distant hope. But a hope none the less.


	6. Doctor Vampire and the amazing Dragon Boy serum!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kudos and the comments!  
> Really- it makes we wanna keep writing with how supportive y’all are! 
> 
> I know my name is shit right now. I know why. I'm not gonna go into it. But y'all who've read me for a while hopefully can see past all that. That being said- the reviews and kudos I'm getting mean more to me than ever. Thank you so so much.
> 
> As always, you can hit me up on my tumblr to chat or ask questions about updates. 
> 
> Y'all are awesome, thank you so much. 
> 
> That's it for this note. Other than- the summers kid's making their appearances next update! So stay tuned for that!   
> And like I said- If you have any questions- any whatsoever- let me know!
> 
> *** “Nevertheless she persisted.” *****

The game is set and the pieces are in place.

The rules have been announced, the players introduced to the arena.

The moment of our undoing is now. Right here, in this soon to be place of the damned.

That is to say- Our four-year-old is due two shots.

In other words- the world has ended.

Even Bing the dragon boy can’t make this better.

His momma is nervously tucking her long hair behind her ear. She knows what’s going down. This doctor? He ain’t got a clue.

His pediatrician, Dr. Smith, has been there basically since he was born. He knows the in's and out's of Aki- sure. But it's been a year since he's seen, Aki. He doesn't know how much the kid can change in a year.

Three was bad. Four? Four? He's bigger now. Bigger and a bigger hassle. (said with love. I'm his dad after all)

The doctor is in his fifties- Black hair speckled with gray- and wears glasses that Aki always tries to take off. He's only got them twice before. We actually had to pony up for a new pair last time. Now he knows better than to bend down near Aki's hands.

He took us outside to ‘discuss our options’.

The moment has never been dire.

Aki is in the room with a nurse- talking about mumps, Tj’s monsters, and for some reason- elephants. The elephants he randomly started on in the car. His facts don’t include their dicks so we let it go.

The doctor’s office is small- located about twenty minutes away from the institute. Dr. Smith is familiar with all of the x-kids. His wife is a top leading mutant rights advocate and he also pushes forward for the cause. So he makes the kids, as well as the parents, feel safe about him treating them.

I can hear Aki go on and on.

The doctor checked his heart, lungs, ears, nose, eyes- of course, all was good.

That’s not what we’re actually here for.

Itsu and I are getting ready for Hurricane Aki. It’s bound to be a cat. 4- if not 5.

One of the likes of which the world has never seen before.

Aki- is unaware at the moment. But boy- when the doctor says those cursed words.. the shit is gonna hit the fan.

And my boy?

My boy’s a lot like me.

Someone is getting punched, kicked, or smacked. Probably a combination of all three. And probably multiple people.

You cannot tell this boy that you're about to do something that's gonna hurt him. He won't stand for it. And honestly? I'm proud of him for that- you don't let people hurt you. But.. you gotta be able to know when it's a 'good hurt' and a 'bad hurt'. Aki can't tell the difference. We've tried talking to him about it- but he never listens.

“Now,” The doctor says quietly as the three of us huddle in the hallway furthest from the light wooden door that is closed. “I know how much Aki does not like shots... For a child that's normal... but your son seems especially willful where they are concerned.”

“That... is an understatement,” Itsu says grimly. She knows what’s going down. She looks at me with ‘what are we gonna do’ look.

I mean... there’s nothing we CAN do. The boy needs his shots.

We gotta make him face the music.

“BUT,” Dr. Smith says, “There is a way around this.”

“Really,” I say in disbelief. “You’ve found a way around giving four-year-old’s shots. Really?”

“Yes.” Dr. Smith nods. “It will take some creativity on mommy and daddy’s part, though. We have perfected the art over the last year.”

“We’ll try anything,” Itsu says tiredly. “Literally anything.”

Dr. Smith nods again, putting a pen he was writing with back into the pocket of his white lab coat. “Then, follow my lead.” He says. “Stay out here for a few seconds.” He nods to us and opens the door. “Aki!” He says in ‘worry’. “There’s a dangerous mission that’s come up!”

I hear our little guy gasp.

The nurse slips into the hall smiling.

“Your little one is so creative!” She says.

“Thank you.” Itsu smiles.

“The X-men and the Avengers have been called.” Dr. Smith says ‘gravely’ from inside the examination room. “But they can’t make it here in time!”

“Oh no!” Aki says. “What are we gonna do???”

“Oh yes.” The doctor says. “So, I need your help!”

“Okay!” Aki says. “I’ll help!”

“Lucky you came in as a dragon boy today,” Dr. Smith says. “Because this is a special dragon boy serum. If you take it- you save the world.”

Dragon boy serum? Smart doc. Playing right into Aki’s make-believe.

It’s a tactic we try to use as often as possible.

“I’ll take it!” Aki says. “I’ll take it! Let’s save the world!”

“Now it’s going to pinch.” The man says.

“I can do it!” Aki assures. “I’ll help daddy save the world!”

He didn’t mention daddy-but he mentioned the x-men. I think Aki’s mind made the connection on its own.

“Are you sure?” The man says.

“Uh-hmm!” Aki says. “Bing the Amazing Dragon Boy will save the world!” He says.

“The weight of the world is depending on you, Mr. Howlett.” He says. “I need you to take a deep breath. The serum is SO important that it’s kept in two needles, okay?” He says. “Mommy and Daddy can come in and hold your hands if you’re scared.”

“Two needles?” Aki asks, unsure of himself now.

This is where it could possibly go wrong. All the pretend in the world can’t override this kid’s fear of needles.

“That’s right.” Dr. Smith says. “But they’re both really, really, REALLY important. Okay?”

“I got it,” Aki says. "Two needles to save the world!'

Boy's heart is in the right place- at least.

“Do you want mommy and daddy to come to hold your hands?” Dr. Smith asks.

He gasps. “Daddy isn’t saving the world???”

The doctor fumbles for a second. “He’s here for backup!” He says. “You know it’s a big job if you have Wolverine on your team.”

“It must be!” Aki says. “Wow! The world is really in danger!”

“It most definitely is.” The doctor says. “Now, are you ready to take these two syringes full of Dragon Boy serum?” He asks. “To save the world?”

“Mommy and Daddy can come to hold my hands.” He says a little quieter than his previous statements. “I want to save the world but I’m scared of needles.”

“Understood.” Dr. Smith comes back to the door. “Mommy and Daddy,” he says, “The amazing Dragon Boy needs your help.” He says.

“It’s “The amazing Bing” !!” Aki corrects.

Dr. Smith raises an eyebrow. “The Amazing Bing needs your help.” He corrects.

Itsu and I move past Dr. Smith into the small examination room.

The walls are hung with Kid-friendly art. Animals, fire trucks, cars, Disney princesses- stuff like that.

Other than that- it’s just a typical doctor’s room.

An examination table with paper spread across it where Aki is sitting with his Bing Suit on. The little dragon head covers his hair, and one of his grimy sleeves are rolled up. Bing is a footie suit, so his little feet are unshoed and covered in Bing’s ‘scales’. In front of him is a small counter with three cabinets on top. The counter is covered in jars of cotton swabs and tongue depressors. Just typical doctor stuff. I only know exactly what's in here because of I've been pulling my kid out of it for the last thirty minutes.

Leaving Aki in an examination room for more than ten minutes is a really, really, really bad idea.

“Aki!” Itsu says happily, crouching down with her hands on her knees, “you’re going to save the world???”

He nods. “I am! Daddy’s my back up!”

She walks and takes his free hand- the one without the sleeve rolled up.

“I’m very proud of you.” She smiles.

“Yea Buddy,” I say. “This is a very big help with world saving.”

He’s beaming. “I am a big help!” He says. “I just need to take the Dragon Boy serum!”

“We believe in you, Aki!” Itsu says, squeezing his little hand.

“Alright.” Dr. Smith says. “The first round of the serum.”

These are mutant shots.

Vaccines for the “Legacy Virus” and some kind of Techno-organic Alien thing that was brought down that seems to infect mutants. School records, kinda shittily, require mutants to have them. Plus- it’s not a bad idea at all if it keeps him safe.

Dr. Smith picks up a shot that holds an orange liquid.

“Are you ready?” He asks.

Aki eyes the syringe warily before nodding. “I’m ready.” He says seriously. “To save the world.”

“Okay.” Dr. Smith says. “On the count of three.”

Aki nods.

“One.”

He stares at the shot.

“Two.”

More intense staring.

“Th-“

“No!” Aki knocks the shot to the floor and wiggles down from the table. “No! No! No shot! Daddy can save the world!”

Before we can reach- the little guy’s turning the doorknob and racing down the halls.

Dr. Smith huffs. “The world is doomed.”

Itsu has her hand over her eyes. “I’m so sorry.” She says. “We’ve tried everything this morning.”

“It’s alright.” The man chuckles. “Really. The little guy’s just scared. That’s natural.” He smiles. “Might help for when he’s older. Keep him out of tattoo parlors?”

Aki has said many times that he wants a tattoo. I always ask him how he’s going to get one if they involve so many needles. He says they’re worth it.

“Doubt that.” I smile, turning to my wife. “Let’s go find our little dragon boy,” I say.

She shakes her head. “Sorry, Glen.” She says to the doctor. “Really.”

He nods. “It’s fine.” He says. “Go chase the little guy down. We’ll go to plan b.”

We nod.

“Which way?” She asks when we’re in the large hallway.

Doors line the walls.

One to the file room, Three to other examination rooms, one to the bathroom, and one to the waiting room.

I sniff and sigh. “File room.” I walk there as quietly as possible, cracking the door open slowly.

“Akihiro!” Itsu gasps.

Our son is standing in the small, tan painted walled, room, tearing files from the cabinets, ripping shit out, and throwing them on the floor.

The floor is littered with files and torn paper.

Kid's more effective than a fucking shredder.

It's ... kinda impressive? Seeing how much damage he's caused in such a short amount of time.

“What on earth are you doing???” She demands.

He stops mid-rip. “I’m making sure the vampires can’t get any more kids.” He says, reaching for another file.

“Stop that right now!” She demands.

Aki glares at her.

“Akihiro!” She warns.

He reaches slowly into the cabinet.

“Do not move any closer!” She demands again.

Aki’s little hand grasps another file.

I’m honestly too shocked to say anything.

"Akihiro James Howlett." She says seriously in a tone I personally wouldn't test. "Put it down."

"No!" He rips it out and throws it across the room.

And here is where having 'willful children' becomes a problem.

I got no clue what the kid is thinking.

“You are in so much trouble.” She says. "Come away from there, now!"

“I’m saving kids!” He insists, going for yet another file.

"Oh no you're not," she says. "Don't you dare touch another file!"

She takes a step towards him and he reaches in frantically with both hands and rips out several files at a time- throwing them over his head like confetti.

Itsu's mouth is open as she stares.

"Akihiro!" She says.

"I'm saving kids!" he says, hands going back into the cabinet.

“Yes, well that’s cost you all your TV and Tablet time this week.” She says. "Don't you dare grab another file."

Aki looks up in shock. “I’m saving the world!” He says. "The kids are free!"

he pulls more files and repeats the 'file confetti' trick.

The entire file room floor is now covered in manilla folders.

"Logan." She whips her head to me. "Do something!"

Riggggghhht. Can't stand back and watch the chaos when you're the daddy.

"Akihiro- that's enough," I say sternly. "Move away from there."

He crosses his arms over his chest. "No," he says.

At least his hands aren't in the file cabinet anymore. That's a move in the right direction- right?

"Yes," I say. "Move over here."

"No!" he yells, stomping away to the other file cabinet and wrenching a random drawer open.

Itsu shakes her head. “Do you want to lose your Tv and tablet privileges for next week too?”

Here’s the thing, my mom was really strict on me and Itsu’s daddy straight up beat her one time. Violence and kids do not go well together. And I know, I know, you’d think ‘Weapon X’ would smack the hell out of kids. I can’t. I can’t raise a hand to them. I can’t hurt them like that.  
They trust me. I honor that trust more than anything.

Itsu feels the same way. She loved her father deeply. But she never forgave him. Not all the way. Enough to see him again, bring the kids to see him, go to the hospital when he was dying, and send birthday cards- but not fully. Their relationship was damaged beyond repair.

With our joint experiences being kept in mind the last thing we said we would do when we had kids was spank them.  
I know it works for some parents- and that’s cool. We’re not judging them at all. Just... we can’t do it.

Lucky for us- Tv and Tablet usage is a big thing nowadays. Taking it from him? So, so, so effective.

“No mommy.” He says, lowering his head.

"Then you come away from there." She says sternly.

Aki closes the file cabinet and walks back over to us.

"I'm not getting shots." He says dejectedly.

"You are getting shots," I say. "Two of em."

"No!" he says angrily.

"Yes." I say. "two shots. And you'll be good. Got it?"

"I don't want them." He says. "Dragon Boy's don't need shots."

Itsu walks over to him, crouching down. “Now, Aki,” She pets his face. “I know you’re scared, sweetheart. I know.” She says. “But.... you can’t act like a little wild man. Okay?”

"I'm not acting like a wild man!" he says. "I'm acting like a dragon!"

"Dragon's don't throw files around a room and make a mess." Itsu says 'wisely'. In our house, Itsu is the master at what dragons do and don't do. I don't know why this was decided- I don't want to know why this was decided. It just was and it just works.

"Dragons build nests!" he says, flopping down on the floor and literally rolling on the files. "I'm a dragon! Dragon's don't get shots!"

"Akihiro- that is the absolute last straw," Itsu says. "You stop that right now."

He huffs and sits up. "Dragon's don't need shots," he says quietly.

"I'm not talking to a dragon." Itsu reaches over and pushes the Bing's head off of Aki's head. "I'm talking to a little boy." She says. "A little boy who has made a terrible mess."

Aki hangs his head. "I'm sorry mommy," he says.

"That's alright, Aki." She says. "I forgive you. But you can't act like this everytime you have to do something you don't want to do."

He nods.

“Now, you’re going to go back in the room get your vaccines and say you’re sorry to Dr. Smith AND his receptionist for this mess. Okay?”

“Yes, mommy.” He says.

“Okay.” She kisses his head. “Come on big boy.”

He pouts when she takes his hand.

“Can’t act like that, son,” I say as they pass me. "This was not okay."

He nods, tears on his face.

I follow them back to the office and Itsu sits him up on the table.

“These aren’t 'save the world shots',” he sniffs, “are they?”

Dr. Smith smiles. “Better.” He says. “They’re 'save Akihiro' shots.”

“Save Akihiro Shots?” He asks with another sniffle.

“Uh-hmm.” The man says. “So give me your arm.”

Aki looks at me.

“It’s okay, buddy,” I say. “Go ahead.”

The doctor puts the needle against his skin.

“One,” he says.

“Big breath darling,” Itsu says gently.

“Two,”

Those watery blue eyes look at me. “It’s okay,” I tell him again.

“Three.” The doctor injects his arm and he starts wailing.

“He struck me!” He cries. “He struck me!”

“Shh Shh.” Itsu shushes as the doctor takes away the needle and sets it on the counter behind him.

“One more.” He says. “This one’s much smaller.”

“Don’t want!” Aki says. “I don’t want it!”

“It’s okay, big boy.” Itsu soothes. “It really is.”

“NO!” He goes to kick the doctor, but I grab his little foot- leaving him room to wiggle like a worm and almost fall off the table.

“Akihiro, that’s enough,” I say, pushing his foot back to the table.

“No!” He says.

“Aki-“

“I’m scared!” He cries.

Itsu and I stop.

“No shot!” He cries again.

“Buddy, it’s okay,” I say gently. “It really is. It will only hurt for a second- the wound will close really fast.”

He sniffs. “No.” He says. “Don’t want.”

“I’ll take you to the store with me afterward to pick out a treat,” Itsu says. “How about that?”

He sniffles. “I’m really scared.” He says.

“And you have every right to be.” Dr. Smith says soothingly. “But these are your big boy shots.” He says. “They can keep you from getting very sick.”

“Like having the mumps?” He asks tearfully.

“Worse than the mumps.” The doctor whispers.

Aki nods. “Okay.”

“Okay?” The doctor smiles. “There’s a big boy.”

He gets the shot and takes it to Aki’s arm.

“One, two, three!” He does his counting a lot faster this time and sticks Aki before the boy can protest.

Aki cries out again- but settles down soon after.

“See?” Dr. Smith says. “It’s not so bad!”

“You stuck me.” Aki pouts.  
“I know I did.” The doctor says. “But, for a peace offering- what if I go get you a sucker?”

Aki is a sucker for well... suckers.

He looks the doctor over. “Does it have yucky doctor stuff in it?” He asks.

“Nope.” Dr. Smith smiles. “Just yummy kid-friendly stuff.”

Aki considers it for a second. “Okay.” He says.

“Okay.” The doctor nods to Itsu and I and heads out the door.

Aki turns to us. “I’m gonna tell him about his paper room after he gives me the sucker.” He says.

Itsu covers her mouth in an attempt not to smile in front of him.

I have to admit, even I have a hard time not smirking at that.

“As long as you tell him,” I say.

Aki nods. “I only went through the ‘a’s’,” he says. “Cause my name is “Akihiro’ and it starts with an A.”

“Trying to erase your paper trail?” I ask in amusement.

I didn't even notice that he was only pulling 'a' drawers. Smart kid.

“What’s a paper trail?” He asks curiously.

“Never mind,” I say. “Why were you trying to get rid of your file?”

“So I could delete my address and they wouldn’t find me!” He says.

Itsu muffles a laugh.

“Aki...” I shake my head. “That’s not how that works.”

“Uh huh!” He says. “Mommy only remembered my big boy appointment because the doctor vampire sent a letter to my house. If I shred up my address- he can’t find me anymore!”

It’s not like that’s a dumb idea. It’s actually very smart for a four-year-old.

Itsu stares at our little ‘gift’ fondly. “I’m going to call Kitty and check on Laura.” She says, opening the door and stepping out.

Aki and I are quiet for a second. “I really did want to help the other kids, daddy.” He says.

“I know you did, buddy,” I smirk. “But you gotta behave, okay? You can’t just do what you want because you feel like it, alright?”

“Okay,” Aki says, kicking his feet.

“Okay,” I repeat.

Dr. Smith comes back in with an orange and green sucker.

Orange coloring probably denotes ‘orange fruit’ flavor- but he doesn’t seem to notice. The doctor unwraps the sucker from its clear packaging and hands it over.

Aki immediately sticks it in his mouth. There wasn’t even a second of hesitation.

“We’re done here.” Dr. Smith says. “You were very brave Akihiro.”

Aki takes the sucker out of his mouth. “I tore up your paper room to delete my paper trail.” He says. “But I’m not really sure what a paper trail is.. but mommy said I had to apologize.”

The doctor sighs and smiles. “That’s a first.” He says.

“Yea, he’s good for those,” I say with a laugh.

“I’m kinda sorry, Mr. Doctor,” Aki says.

“Kinda?” I question.

“Well, I’m not really sorry.” He rolls his eyes.

“Aki- that’s not how an apology goes. You have to be really sorry and say you’re sorry.”

The doctor is smiling.

“But I’m not really sorry, daddy. I’m protecting kids from a vampire!”

I sigh. “Sorry again Glen,” I say.

“No problem.” He says. “I’ll have Martha clean it up later.”

I walk over to the examination table and lift Aki in the air.

“Wheeeeee!” He cries.

I place him on his feet and he runs to the door.

“Don’t run with suckers in your mouth,” I tell him.

“Bye bye doctor vampire!” He calls from the door.

I sigh. “He’s not a vampire.”

“That’s fine.” Dr. Smith says. “I know what to be for Halloween now. Thank you, Aki.”

Aki nods, stepping out into the hallway. “Mommy!” He cries- like he hadn’t seen her all day.

She waves, talking quietly on the phone.

I can tell something is... wrong.

She hangs up the phone and turns to me. “Laura, in her infinite Laura-ness, has eaten a full box of Twinkies, colored her bedroom walls, broken her tablet, and convinced Nate to have a ‘riot’ at lunchtime over vegetables.”

“Oh- Nate’s back?” I ask.

She nods. “He, Scott, Jean, and Rachel arrived shortly after we left.”

“Everything okay?” I ask.

She nods. “Scott said Alex was fine and with his father.”

Yea.. the Summer’s boys dad is a space pirate. It doesn’t get much cooler than that.

“In space?” I ask.

She nods. “That does not change the fact that our daughter started a riot.”

I have to admit I’m laughing.

Itsu hits my shoulder. “It’s not funny, Logan.” She says.

“It’s a little funny,” I say.

“She locked Bobby in the pantry!” She says in exasperation.

That’s when I lose it.

I’m laughing so hard at the thought of Bobby- a full grown man- being locked in a pantry by a five-year-old.

“It’s not funny!” Itsu cries.

“Daddy’s face is turning red,” Aki says, watching me.

Itsu shakes her head. “What am I to do with you?” She asks.

“I can think of a few things,” I say, finishing up my laugh.

She raises an eyebrow. “After that display?”

I shrug.

My wife sighs and adjusts her purse on her shoulder. I wish she’d take me up on my offer. Her shorts and tank combo are the essences of hot. She’s been called a ‘milf’ by some of the kids. I glared at them and told them to shut up- but I didn’t disagree.

“Let’s take Aki to the store for new soap-“

“I like my soap.” He says, sucking on his sucker.

Itsu and I both share a look. “But you said this morning-“

“I like my soap.” He repeats.

Itsu huffs. “Fine. You like your soap now.”

“I do.” He says.

I have to admit I’m smiling again. “Let’s get him some new stuff anyway,” I say. “Just in case.”

She nods, reaching for his hand.

He takes it and starts walking with her towards the receptionist's desk.

I stay behind a second, watching them go.

“I do like my soap, though.” He’s saying as she opens the door.

“I know, darling.” She sighs. “I know.”

Married life isn’t something I ever envisioned for myself. With my past- I honestly didn’t think it was possible.

Now that I have it? I understand why some many shitty love songs are made. And chick flicks.

It’s just... different with her.

She’s the best partner I could ask for.

We’ve got a good thing going here.

And when you have something this good? Even a five-year-old’s riot can’t put a damper on it.


	7. The great paw patrol riot and an evening amongst monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the lovely comments and kudos! 
> 
> This one is really my favorite to write. it’s so much fun and it feels nice to just do cute shit for once. 
> 
> Thanks to y’all and some wonderful advice- I will not be deleting this story. In fact- I will be finsihing it within the next two months and moving onto things like x-teens. 
> 
> Thank you so much for your support. Y’all have really helped me through a really rough spot and I owe you more than you can imagine! 
> 
> As always, leave me a comment and let me know what you think/where you think I should go with it etc. etc. etc. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading!
> 
> ***OH before I forget- paw patrol sucks. Do not subject yourself to this for the sake of relating to the characters. It is legit awful. Great for kids- but as a grown person (or any person over the age of 8) you will want to put an ice pick in your eye socket. Just take at my word for this one!****

A mob is hard to face no matter how you slice it.

The x-men have seen more than them than we can count. We even have several protocols so no one gets hurt on either side. Not that the bigots who are usually on the other side of the torches and shit really don’t deserve to get hurt. I think sometimes, they’re just asking for it.

That being said- there are a few things you gotta keep in mind with a mob. They a) want something they are not given, b) hate you because they don’t understand and that makes you scary, or c) they’ve been whipped into a frenzy by some overzealous idiot who’s got no factual understanding of what’s actually going on.

It’s hard to say which one is preferable. They’re all pretty shitty.

Always as an x-man, I face them head-on. That’s my protocol. I’m usually the last one they send out when shits gone awry. I break it up or I break them up- it’s either or.

I do not negotiate. I do not bend. I do not waver.

It’s kinda my calling card when dealing with them.

This mob.... is different.

The overzealous idiot- is not an idiot at all. She’s a very smart little girl. A very smart little girl who has been watching a little too much of the history channel- if we’re being honest.

The principle is the same. There will be no wavering and no negotiations. I am the parent- I will win.

“Paw Patrol!” My daughter says, raising her little fist.

“Paw Patrol!” Aki, Talia, and Nate echo her.

We’ve been at this for five minutes already.

I’m the evil dictator who holds the remote and distinct dislike for watching shows on repeat. I put the remote on the top of the tv- where they can’t reach. That will buy me about.... ten minutes before Talia realizes she climb up there and get it.

I gotta use the ten minutes wisely.

“We’ve already watched Paw Patrol,” I say. “We need to watch something else.”

Laura glares at me. “Paw Patrol!!!” she says- raising both fists this time.

“Darlin’ we’re watching something else now,” I say as patiently as I can manage.

Laura walks up to me- standing toe to toe. “Give us Paw Patrol.” She says. “Or else.”

“Or else?” I ask with a laugh.

“Paw Patrol or no peace.” She says.

“Or Rugrats!” Nate says.

The group turns on him.

“No Nate,” Laura hisses. “Paw Patrol.”

“Rugrats is just as good,” Nate says stubbornly.

Ah. There’s a weak link in this little union.

“Nate is right,” I say, crossing my arms. “Rugrats would be just as good.”

“Or Freddy,” Talia says.

I sigh. “Talia- no one in this room is watching Freddy Kruger. You know you’re not supposed to watch that.”

The blue girl sighs. “Fine. My vote is for Paw Patrol.”

“Thank you,” Laura says.

“You’re not watching another two hours of Paw Patrol,” I say stubbornly.

“Meet our demands.” She says.

“Or what?” I laugh.

“Or we riot.” She says, as seriously as a five-year-old can sound.

“Riot? You’re gonna riot?” I laugh. “Good luck sweetheart.”

“Riot! Riot! Riot!” Nate chants.

The little guys a good mix between his momma and his daddy. At least he’s got enough of his momma in him to be cute- at any rate. He’s got his hair shaved close to his scalp and is wearing his ‘x-man uniform’. Which is really just a set of pajamas his momma got for him that kind resemble is dad’s first uniform.

“Riot! Riot! Riot!” Talia chants.

“Anarchy!” Aki cries.

I sigh. “None of you know what those words mean,” I say.

“We know they’ll get the policeman called to the house,” Laura says. “And then we’ll tell him how mean you are when you don’t let us watch Paw Patrol.”

“Little girl- I know you are not threatening me with the police,” I say.

Laura puts her little hands on hips. “Riots get on policemen’s radios and then they show up. They have to keep the peace. The only way we’ll keep the peace is if we watch Paw Patrol!”

“Or Rugrats!” Nate calls, standing behind my daughter, next to her brother, and Talia. A little gang of Rugrats demanding I meet their demands.

“I’ll tell the police how naughty you all are and you’ll go to jail,” I say smugly.

“We’ll break out of jail!” Talia says confidently.

“Not this jail you won’t,” I say. “It’s a super jail. And there’s no tv, no snacks, and no toys. All you have to eat are vegetables and all you do is nap.”

They look at each other- horrified.

Laura glances back at her posse before nodding. “You’re lying.” She says. “You love us too much to send us to jail.”

“I...” Well, she’s got me on that one. “I love you too much to let you be naughty,” I say, catching my fumble.

“You’re bluffing, daddy.” She says. “I can tell!”

“You don’t know a bluff.” I chuckle.

“If you don’t give us Paw Patrol we won’t go to bed tonight.” She says.

“Oh yes, you will,” I say.

“We won’t!” Laura argues.

“You will when you get tired,” I say.

“We’re never tired!” Talia says.

I look at the blue girl. “I thought you didn’t even like Paw Patrol,” I say.

“I do now!” She exclaims.

I shake my head. “You’re not getting Paw Patrol.”

“I’ll hold my breath!” Laura threatens.

“Be my guest.” I cross my arms.

“I color the rest of my room!” She says.

“Darlin’ I don’t negotiate with terrorists,” I say.

“I’ll....” she’s fumbling “I’ll sing that song you don’t like! Over and over and over!”

“I don’t negotiate with terrorists,” I repeat.

This shouldn’t be as big of an argument as it is- but god damn. I cannot watch one more second of those animated dogs. Where are the humans? Why are the dogs rescuing people??? Who is taking care of all of these dogs???

I can’t stand it.

I really can’t.

When you’re trying to make sense of a kid’s show about personified talking animals- it’s time to quit watching that show.

“I’ll call my grandpa!” Talia says, trying to help.

“Don’t you dare,” I say.

The last thing we need is ol’ Mags here telling me how to treat his granddaughter.

“Which one?” Nate asks. “The red one is scary.”

“I’m not allowed to talk to the red one,” Talia whispers.

“You shouldn’t be allowed to talk to the other one, either,” I say, rolling my eyes.

“Papa Eric is good at stories!” She says defensively.

“And wanted in like... three countries,” I say.

Talia shrugs. “Both my grandpa’s would let me watch Paw Patrol.”

Mags in more involved in Talia’s life than Azazel- that’s true.

Azazel’s seen his granddaughter maybe five times in her life- all on birthdays.

It’s a weird date he’s kept up with.

Apparently, his ‘race’ doesn’t have girls that often and he’s proud of her. He wants her to be a fighter.

Kurt does not care for that shit and always breaks the visit up.

Wanda’s a little better- but even she’s asked that Azazel not grant his granddaughter with swords or knives anymore.

Talia’s birth was a weird thing. Wanda had a little trouble with her pregnancy. In fact- it went so bad at the end that she can’t have any more kids. That’s why they lost the second one.

When Talia was born healthy- it was a god damn miracle.

And, having a bunch of magic users in the family- they celebrated the best way they know how- gifting the baby.

Wanda gave her daughter a small ‘gift’ when she was born. The gift of sight- Tj will always be able to tell when something ‘unnatural’ is going on. Margawli- Kurt’s foster mom- visited and gave her ‘granddaughter’ the gift of ‘travel’. The girl can astral project safely without being sensed by other beings. Azazel gave the girl the gift of ‘well being’. It helps ward off diseases. Keeps her alive.

It got so bad that Kurt had to ask the grandparents to stop putting spells on his infant daughter. To which they begrudgingly agreed.

“Good thing I’m not your grandpa,” I say.

She glares at me. “If you love us- You’ll give us Paw Patrol.”

“Paw Patrol!” Aki cries.

“Now- guys-

“Peppa Pig!” A new little voice says, interrupting me.

Everyone turns to see little Annabelle- standing there in her pj’s with a stuffed pig in her arms.

She’s sans parent- which means someone will eventually have to find one of them. But she seems to be otherwise doing okay. Annabelle’s known for getting scared in the house and wailing at odd hours of the night. She sleepwalks. It’s a dangerous thing for a toddler to do.

“Peppa...” Talia turns back. “Peppa Pig!” She says excitedly. “Guys- Peppa Pig!”

There’s some mumbling amongst the ‘mob’.

“No,” Laura says, standing fast. “Paw Patrol.”

“Laura, you’re not being fair, sweetheart,” I say. “Not everyone wants to watch Paw Patrol.”

“But I’m the leader.” Laura whines.

“A leader has to take everyone’s opinions into account.”

Laura shakes her head. “Fine.” She says. “We’ll watch Peppa Pig.”

This argument has taken up thirty minutes. If they don’t hurry there’ll be no way to watch either show.

“There’s my girl.” I laugh.

Laura actually smiles a little before turning to her ‘mob’. “Let’s go!” She says. “Daddy can bring us snacks!”

“Yay!” Aki bounces his spot. “Snacks! Snacks! Snacks!”

“I want cookies!” Talia says.

“Juice!” Annabelle says.

“I want a steak!” Aki says.

I inhale deeply. “Steak is not a snack, son.”

“It is if you’re a monster!” He says.

He is indeed wearing his “Bang” suit. A fuzzy blue monster with googly eyes on top of its fuzzy head. Itsu is washing ‘Bing’ after his adventure today.

That reminds me-

“Hold up.” I grab Aki’s shoulder.

He looks up at me.

“Aki- you’re grounded from the TV,” I say. “Remember?”

“No, I’m not.” He says.

“Yes, you are.”

“No- Bing the amazing dragon boy is grounded from the TV. I’m Bang-the marvelous monster boy. Bang isn’t grounded from the Tv. He’s been in bed all day.”

“Since Bing’s gone- Bang will take his punishment,” I say. “Got it?”

Aki looks at his fuzzy blue feet. “I wanna watch the show.” He scoots his little foot across the floor.

“Can’t,” I say.

“Want to.” He says.

“Can’t,” I repeat.

He pouts.

“That’s okay Aki,” Itsu says, coming down the stairs behind us. “My little monster boy can come play with his mommy.” She smiles.

Aki considers it. “Okay!” He says, running to her.

Itsu puts her fingers up on her head- making ‘horns’. “And what are we monster’s going to do?” She asks.

Aki makes little horns too. “Eat villagers!” Aki says, voice in a ‘deep’ growl. Sounds almost like he’s possessed.

“How about we go make a den for our monster ways?” Itsu asks in her own ‘monster’ voice.

“Monster’s like dens!” Aki says.

Itsu wiggles her horns. “Come on baby monster. Let’s go!”

Aki wiggles his horns back. “Okay, mommy monster!” He follows her up the stairs.

I watch them go and shake my head. That boy. I swear.

In the living room off to my right- I hear Peppa Pig start up.

More personified animals- sure. But at least it’s not those damn dogs.

I’m turning to join them just as the front door opens up, emitting a woman showing way too much skin in a wonderful shade of scarlet. Mr. Wagner is a very lucky man. Let’s put that out there and leave it at that.

“Hey, Wanda.” I nod to her.

The woman smiles brightly. “Is my little one around?” She asks.

I nod, pointing towards the living room.

Wanda is in her costume- the dreaded corset Kurt was talking about this morning.

Avengers probably had some kind of Misson today. I told Tony not to call.

The woman in front of me walks to the living room, her heeled boots clicking on the hardwood floor.

“Talia, my treasure!” She says. “Come here!”

“Mommy!” Talia jumps up from the couch and comes running.

Wanda crouches down and catches her just at the moment of impact, straightening up with her daughter in her arms, and kissing all over her face. “My little one.” Wanda coos.

“Mommy!” Talia wraps her arms around her neck.

“What have you been into today?” Wanda asks.

“We were a mob!” She says.

“A mob?” Wanda laughs.

“We had a riot!” Talia says excitedly.

“A riot?” Wanda asks. “Over what?”

“Tv! And Snacks!” She says.

“Sounds like you’ve had a busy day!” Wanda says.

Talia nods.

“How would you like to go take a trip, hmm?” She asks.

Talia nods again.

“We’re going to go see Aunt Lorna!” Wanda says happily.

“Yay!!!!!” Talia cries.

“Uh-hmm. She and uncle Alex have big news!” She says.

I look at her. “Big news- huh?” I ask.

She smiles. “Yes.”

“Isn’t he still in space?”

She smiles again. “He received a transmission his morning. He’ll be heading back within the next week.”

“The news is that good?” I ask.

Summers men don’t leave missions unfinished.

Nothing short of a death in the family or...birth.

Fuck. Lorna’s pregnant. Here we go again.

“As in more little Summers punks running around good news?”

She laughs. “Yes.”

I smirk. “Remind me to send Alex a bottle of Jack. He’s gonna need it.”

“Who’s Jack?” Talia asks, turning her head to me. “And why do you have him in a bottle?”

“Tell ya when you’re older, munchkin.” I laugh, going to go check on my own little girl.

“Okay!” She calls to me as I’m leaving. “But you should let Jack out of the bottle before you send him to uncle Alex!”

I can hear Wanda laughing.

God bless these men who decide to knock up Magneto’s daughters. They’ve got a helluva a lot of nerve.

You’d have to be Mystique’s kid or a Summers brother to do something that stupid.

Have to tell Itsu that Lorna’s pregnant. She’ll be over the moon.

Laura and Nate are sitting on the couch, intently watching the bright colored Tv screen.

“Daddy-“ Laura says, not looking at me.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

She turns to me. “Can we have a pig?”

I laugh. “Bobby’s not enough for you?”

She huffs, “Uncle Bobby’s not a pig he’s just messy. I want a real pig.”

“Real pigs don’t talk- you know that right?” I ask.

She nods. “I’m fine with an untalking pig.”

“And they don’t wear outfits,” I say.

“That’s fine.” She says.

“And they stink,” I say, leaning on the wall and crossing my arms.

“Aki stinks.” She says. “And we keep him.”

“Eh... different kind of stink.” I laugh.

“I want a pig!” She says.

“I want a penguin!” Nate says.

“Laura, you’re not getting a pig,” I say. “And Nate- ask your dad.”

Laura looks at me with the most utter look of betrayal. “Why does Nate get a penguin if I can’t have a pig???”

“Nate gets what his daddy and mommy say he can have,” I say. “You get what your mommy and daddy say you can have. Got it?”

She looks at me for a second before quickly getting up from the couch and running past me.

“Where are you going??” I call after her.

“To ask mommy!” Her voice says, getting further away with each step she takes.

Fuck.

“You thought a naughty word,” Nate says, looking over at me.

“Outta my head, Nate,” I say.

“I’m not in your head.” He says defensively. “You just thought it really loud.”

I guess... I mean... that’s fair.

I look over him, “Your daddy know where you are?” I ask.

He nods.

“Good.”

I don’t want to the kid on his own... but I had better get upstairs before we end up with a pig.

I look around the room and notice Annabelle squatting down behind the couch.

“Hey, Annabelle,” I say.

“Huh?”

“Are you going potty?”

“no.”

“Are you sure?”

“No.”

“Are you sure you’re sure?” I ask- I know that stance anywhere.

“Oops.” She says.

“That’s what I thought.” I sigh. “Lemme go get your daddy.”

The Cajun’s been on a mission the last two days He got back like.. thirty minutes ago.

I walk off towards the briefing room.

I love the kid- but I don’t change diapers anymore.

I hope I’ll never have to again. It’s a period of my life that I’d rather not revisit if I can at all help it.

I find Remy slumped over the table in the Warroom- completely passed out.

“Hey,” I say from the doorway.

He makes a slurred response under his breath.

“Cajun,” I say, louder.

Remy opens his eyes and glares at me. “What?”

“Your kid just blew her pull-up up,” I say. “Might wanna go handle that.”

“merde.” Remy curses, slowly standing to his feet.

“Yea- Two sucks.” I laugh. “But it gets easier when they can go to the john on their own.”

Remy shambles past me- the walk of a truly exhausted man.

I pat his shoulder. “Take it in, Cajun,” I say. “You only get to have these precious moments once,” I smirk.

“Precious moments?” he snorts. “Petite got several precious moments. This ain’t one of ‘em.”

I shrug. “Do Rogue a favor,” I say. “Poor woman’s been passed out all day. Your spawn kept her up screaming last night.”

He shakes his head. “Oui,” he says weakly. “I got it.”

Goodman.

On the way back to the stairs I notice Jeanie walking Rachel around the house. Must be fighting nap time.

I nod to the Summers gals and head up to my own spawn.

When I get to my own bedroom- I notice an edge of a sheet sticking out from a half-cracked door.

I slowly push the door inward. “Family?” I ask.

There’s whispering. Three voices.

“Password?” My wife asks.

I raise an eyebrow. “To my own room?”

The room is completely dark. Over where their voices are coming from- I can see a nightlight concealed by several sheets.

“You need the secret monster password!” Aki giggles.

“Only monsters are allowed!” Laura adds.

“And you don’t look like a monster.” Itsu giggles.

“I don’t have the monster password,” I say. “Can one of you give it to me?”

There’s more whispering. “No,” Aki says.

“Can someone else give it to me?”

“Let’s be fair, baby monsters,” Itsu says. “We’ll let daddy have three guesses. If he guesses right- he can be daddy monster. If he guesses wrong- He stays on the bed by himself.”

Riiiiigggght. Itsu’s playing with the kids.

“Okay!” the ‘baby monster’s ‘ agree in unison.

“Hmm. Let’s see.” I say. “is it ‘cookies’?”

“No.” Aki giggles.

“Is it password?” I ask.

“No!” Laura giggles harder.

“Is it... monster?” I ask.

There’s more whispering.

“Yea,” Laura says. “That’s it.”

“Cool.” I shut the door behind me. “A little dark- ain’t it?” I say.

“Monsters like the dark,” Itsu says in her ‘monster’ voice.

They’ve put our comforter over the window- blocking out all of the late evening light.

“Okay, monsters.” I chuckle, walking over to the bed and kicking my boots off.

“Monster’s demand sacrifices.” Aki says in his ‘monster’ voice.

“Sacrifices, huh?” I ask.

“Cookies,” Laura says in a deep growl.

“Steak,” Aki adds in a deeper growl.

“Something that’s not sugary but still sweet,” Itsu adds a deep growl as well.

I have to laugh. “You’re really committed to this monster business- aren’t ya?”

“Mommy is Bang’s Mommy - Mommy monster,” Aki says. “Laura is Bang’s sister- sissy monster.”

“And I’m daddy monster?” I ask.

“Yes!” He says in his deep voice.

“And daddy monster has to get sacrifices- right?” I ask.

“Daddy monster has to go get mommy’s monster yogurt out of the kitchen fridge,” Itsu says in her monster voice.

It’s cute, to say the least.

“And cookies,” Laura growls.

“And steak,” Aki adds.

“You’re not getting steak, son.” I sigh.

He whispers with his mom and sister, “coooookiiies,” he growls.

“Fine. Cookies and Yogurt for my monster family.” I say. “Is that it?”

“Bring mommy monster her phoooonnnne,” Itsu growls.

“Where is mommy monsters phone?” I ask.

“In the niiigggght stand.” She says deeply.

I chuckle. “Fine. Cookies, Yogurt, and phone.”

“Hurrrrry,” Aki growls. “Monsters are veeerrrry busy.”

“I can see that.” I motion to the room.

“Mommy and Daddy monster can clean up the mess tonight,” Itsu says in her monster voice.

“Oh yeah?” I laugh.

“Mommy will give daddy monster the thing,” Itsu says.

“The thing?” I ask.

“The thing.” She repeats.

“The one thing or the other thing?” I ask.

“The other thing.” Mommy monster says deeply. “Mommy monster is too tired for the one thing.”

Adults have a way of speaking in codes when they have young kids.

Our code tells me that I and Itsu will be doing some ‘playing’ of our own later.

“Okay monsters,” I say. “I will get you your sacrifices.”

“Yay!” Aki and Laura cry.

“But baby monster only get four cookies.” I say. “each.”

“That’s reasonable,” Aki says.

I shake my head. “Don’t change the password while I’m gone,” I order.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Itsu giggles.

“I’m sure you wouldn’t.” I chuckle.

My room is infested with monsters- but I got out of watching Paw Patrol so... it all balances out in the end.

That’s half of life really- checks and balances. That’s all you do.

But tonight? Not a bad night. Not even half of a bad night.

IF the worst thing that happens to me is my family turning into monsters and my bedroom getting trashed- I think I’ll be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Itsu as mommy monster is something I drew once upon a time. I remembered the drawing- I never posted it- and thought of a chapter to go along with it annnnnd... Tada! 
> 
> Please let me know what you think!  
> You can also find me on tumblr! I have my asks turned off but I can receive messages. Until someone fucks that up too- I will be happy to hear from you! 
> 
> Thanks again!


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